Fashion, Function and Fabulousness

Have you seen those articles with suggested packing lists for international travel? One pair of black pants, one dress, three shirts, one coat, two pairs of shoes, five pairs of underwear and a scarf? Well, just no. Too vain and too fond of choices. And what if _____(fill in blank with unlikely scenario)______ happens and you need a ______(fill in blank with perfect outfit)______?  In Scotland the weather can do ten things in the space of a day.  I’m hiking in the Highlands and also exploring Edinburgh, a beautiful city with castles, world-class restaurants and ghosts.   Obviously, these situations cry out for totally different outfits.  Finally, those articles never account for the inevitability of bringing one or two dumb things that you end up uselessly hauling around a foreign country.

Not to mention the necessary airplane combat gear designed to 1) prevent people from interacting with you and 2) fool yourself into believing that flying isn’t abjectly miserable.  This includes, but is not limited to, noise-cancelling headphones, a large scarf/shawl, a media-loaded iPad, a memory-foam neck pillow, melatonin, snacks, a collapsible water bottle and (finally admitting age bracket) compression socks. And prayers that you won’t be seated next to a thigh-spreading, armrest-hogging, heavy drinking, shoe removing anxious flyer, although  this doesn’t take up any luggage space. Business class takes care of many of these things, but I’d rather spend the dough at my destination.  After all, when all is said and done everyone is trapped inside the same metal tube hurtling through the sky and breathing the same stale air no matter what their chair looks like, how many free cocktails they get, or whether they have their special exclusive bathroom that smells like gardenias. Okay, yes, as an Economy Plus person I’m super envious, and therefore judgmental, of Those Business Class people and their sleeping pods.

Just kidding, karma, don’t want to jinx astronomically low upgrade chances.

So my goal is one medium suitcase and one backpack. And here’s my tip:  those magical plastic bags that you put stuff in and then squish all the air out of, creating a flat pancake of clothes.  Packing cubes are organizationally helpful, yes, but air-squish bags are key, especially for dirty clothes, which take up way more space than they do when clean because physics.  They also give you extra space for unexpected purchases.  Like a plaid or a Shetland sweater, neither of which are my style at all. But on vacation there’s that thing where you get all swept away by the romantic perfection of a place and become filled with a desperate desire to bring the whole country home with you. So you buy clothes you’d never wear and probably shouldn’t even wear in their country of origin because you look like a tourist poser.

Remember, I look highly suspect in plaid and wool sweaters are itchy and claustrophobic.  Spend the money on the whisky.