Gannet Woodstock, Unexpected Orcas, Public Bogs, Vikings, Puffins, the Most Northerly, one final Broch and a Spaceport. Featuring various isles: St. Ninian’s, Noss, Bressay, Unst & Yell. And a bit about Leith.

In the category of better late than never, it is time, at last, for a wrapping up of the final days of this trip. Thanks for coming along with me while I was there and now in fond remembrance. This will be a longish one, but hey it’s mostly pictures.

And so onward we go. The highlight of our next day was to be a wildlife boat trip around two nearby islands, Noss and Bressay. On our way to catch our boat we stopped at Lunna House, a 17th century Laird’s home that was requisitioned by the UK War office as the first location for Shetland Bus HQ during World War II.

Lunna House

Operations were moved to Scalloway in 1942 (see previous entry), but this is where it all started. As often happened, the stones for the original Lunna House were pilfered from a nearby Iron Age Broch which is one of the reasons why so many broch ruins around the isles are quite a bit shorter than they might otherwise be. Lunna House base was established by David Howarth, who started his career as a BBC War Correspondent before joining the Navy after France fell to the Nazis. His memoir, “The Shetland Bus,” is a gripping account of his extraordinary life. A commemorative plaque for David Howarth can be found in the nearby cemetery of Lunna Kirk (the oldest continuously operated kirk in Shetland), but his ashes were scattered in Lunna Voe per his request.

Lunna Kirk
Richard, Jill, Barb and Brent peruse David Howarth’s memorial plaque.

Many of the moss-capped headstones in the kirkyard have been tagged by authorities as having “failed a regulatory test” to the point where visitors are warned against even approaching them because I guess they might slooowly tip over? This strikes me as somewhat hilarious after navigating the Mousa broch steps yesterday. The headstones look pretty solid to me and this one’s hairdo brings to mind four particular lads from Liverpool.

And that’s all the history you are getting for this day. I know you are sad! Wipe your tears away, for we are off to sail around the isles of Noss, an uninhabited nature reserve since 1955, and Bressay. The tides have been sketchy of late which we are told may force an early return to port so fingers crossed. The highlight of the tour is a ginormous gannet colony on Noss, where approximately 150,000 of the gorgeous, graceful seabirds nest along a mile-long stretch of cliffs. I feel a slight kinship with gannets because their 6 foot wingspan matches my own.

Mr. Nonchalance, our skipper Captain Phil

Phil Harris is the owner of Shetland Seabird Tours and is a life-long birder and naturalist. He started his career as a firefighter and then trained to pilot fast rescue boats in the rough seas around Shetland, so we were in expert hands in many categories. Plus he had a great sense of humor, regaling us on the dock with cheerful warnings about how seasick we were all likely about to become.

One of the many benefits of traveling alone is that you can validly call shotgun in situations like these and nobody gets mad, so just like that I was Captain Phil’s Number One.

The very first thing that happened when we entered the bay was Phil completely losing his mind and grabbing his big-ass camera because we unexpectedly came across a family pod of orcas. The first orca we saw was a big male, who was bearing down on us with his giant fin piercing the water like freaking Jaws. I had recently seen David Attenborough’s Wild Isles featuring the famous Shetland Pod 27 and watched them brutally murder a baby seal in slow-motion. Circle of life and all but still it was a bit concerning watching the big guy heading straight for us, especially having heard about the orcas that had recently attacked boats near the Iberian peninsula.

Of course the big orca peeled off and Phil, in between snapping photos, reported the sighting in local WhatsApp and Facebook groups. Orca tracking in Shetland is a collegial community effort (as you can imagine, a lot of naturalists live here), and in fact orca-spotting groups were instrumental in assisting the Wild Isles crew in finding Pod 27 after a two-year effort. The community shares sightings and helps build a pool of information so scientists can gain a fuller picture of orcas’ behavior and track their movements. As it turned out, this pod was a new one, heretofore not observed in Shetland, which felt like a bit of good news.

Reluctantly leaving the orcas (who hung around the area for the rest of the day) we sailed around some fabulous cliffs, the Bressay Lighthouse and watched a great skua (called a “bonxie” in Shetland-ese) fend off a gannet for a fish.

Speaking of bonxies, Phil calls them the assholes of the seabird kingdom due to their general aggression toward other birds. Also if you are dumb enough to walk too near their nest they will absolutely fly at your head. Phil also claimed that they poke the eyes out of puffins but I feel like this was merely a gruesome embellishment. They are kind of cool birds and right now Bonxie is the lead contender for my next dog’s name, so.

And now for the gannet colony. I’ve honestly never seen anything like it. I mean, 150,000 birds is a lot and they layer the cliff walls, packed in like sardines and yacking at each other having a ball like they are at an outdoor music festival. They are also gorgeous and incredible divers. And once they are submerged underwater, they keep flying while they fish. For a short video narrated by Scottish Obi-Wan Ewan McGregor, check this out: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=mXXuK9eQVUw&t=9s

Below is one of those “wait for it” videos. If you are creeped out by slo-mo Exorcist talking, this is your trigger warning.

In and amongst the gannet colony were guillemots, members of the auk family, just like puffins. They are literally descendants of the Great Auk from days of yore. The birds nest in colonies to protect their eggs, which they lay directly on the ground, or in this case on top of cliff ledges. The eggs are shaped like pears and so roll in an arc, presumably to keep them from tumbling into the sea.

Guillemots!
Phil and his demonstration guillemot egg.
Captain Phil’s lecture about the spa-going habits of female guillemots.

As we continued sailing along the cliffs next to the gannet colony I managed a few awesome photos if I do say so, and have no idea how. Here are just a few.

Gannet Woodstock

They flew alongside the boat as we pulled away from the cliffs to round the tip of Noss and head back to Lerwick.

Sound on to experience full gannet exuberance.

I mean what a flipping awesome experience. It even remained fantastic through that one moment when, as I was facing backwards on rough seas taking photos of gannets flying overhead I suddenly realized I was seasick, sat my butt down and grimly faced forward. It passed.

As if we hadn’t seen enough magical wildlife, once we returned to the harbor we were greeted by a friendly and inquisitive seal. I think Phil called him “Freddie,” so he’s likely a regular.

When we parked (is that the right word, I’m not a boat person) at the dock Phil climbed out, tied us off and instructed me to turn off the boat for which I received a round of applause. Aye aye, Captain.

And the day wasn’t even over! We drove west to Scalloway and walked to a lighthouse on a grassy point, passing sheepies and ponies and marveling at the light.

Let’s take a moment, shall we, to appreciate the product-free coiffures of the Shetland pony.

Lighthouse on Point of the Pund

And lest you thought you were going to slip through a single solitary day without a sheepie photo, well that is obviously silly.

Next morning we were off for a walk around the perimeter of St. Ninian’s Isle, a small island connected to the south Mainland via the largest tombolo in the UK. It’s completely exposed all summer but generally submerged in winter. I can’t explain why, but it was fun to traverse.

St. Ninian is the patron saint of Shetland. While as usual, Neolithic artifacts have been found on the island, there’s also a ruin of a lovely 12th century chapel named after the saint. In 1958 an excavation on the chapel grounds found a horde of 8th century silver in a wooden box under a stone slab. Eighth century you say? Horde, you say? We know what this means – Vikings! The horde was possibly hidden from the Vikings or by the Vikings after being stolen, who knows. A local schoolboy, Douglas Coutts, who was assisting the grown-up archaeologists from Aberdeen University, made the find on his first day of being a helper. Apparently he wanted to lift up the stone slab to see what was underneath, possibly to find bugs, but the grown-ups ignored him. He did it anyway. You can see the horde at the National Museum of Scotland in Edinburgh. It’s considered to be the best example of surviving silver metalwork from Scotland’s early medieval period, and the pieces are quite intricate and beautiful. Here’s a little video if you’d like to learn more: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Fqw7cwYbWzo&list=TLGGrdK6ZEugXgIwNjA3MjAyNA&t=250s

St. Ninian’s Chapel ruins

Our merry band set off around the island, taking in beautiful cliffs, a few swimming puffins, a stile or two, and stopping for lunch along the way with views across the sea.

Blurry swimming puffins!
Back over the tombolo.

Kirsty told us she had been talking to a guy and he recommended a remote cliff walk, saying it was his favorite on the island. So we went off-book and drove down deserted roads with Kirsty periodically pulling over and consulting her phone to make sure we were on the right track. At one point she blew her cover about our off-the-grid situation by saying, with a wee bit of relief in her voice, “Oh, there we are.”

We drove through Silwick, a pretty much deserted settlement, and parked in front of a gate, girding our loins to face the only dangerous animal that inhabits Shetland.

Luckily, this was our only animal encounter on the walk.

We walked up a hill and were greeted by some of the most spectacular views we had seen to date. Our rogue excursion was a smashing success. Kirsty plans to recommend that this walk be added to the official WS itinerary for future trips.

The next day was a momentous one because I was finally able to bust out my new raincoat for the first time this entire trip. And the weather was misty and moody at last! Also, yay, ferries! We took an early ferry to Yell and drove across that island to another ferry terminal to catch a ferry to another island, Unst. We stopped on Yell briefly to view a very, very rare Scottish puddle duck.

Another cool attraction on Yell is the Windhouse (pronounced “windhoose”), a derelict home perched atop a hill along the main road. It was built in 1707 and remodeled in 1885 with all the latest appliances. Silhouetted against the skyline, the creepy looming ruin can be seen for miles around. It has been deemed by experts to be the most haunted house in Shetland if not the entire British Isles. It’s built near the ruins of a broch and bodies are literally buried in the garden. As for ghosts, there’s a Lady in Silk – thought to be the skeleton of a woman with a broken neck who was discovered under the floorboards at the bottom of the staircase (!!), a dapper man in a top hat, a creepy child and a black dog probably named Sirius. There’s also a rumor that nobody can survive a sleepover on Christmas Eve night. The story is that in olden times a shipwrecked mariner turned up at Windhouse on December 24. He crossed paths with the home’s inhabitants getting the heck out. They explained that noone had ever been found alive on Christmas morning after spending the night because they were slain by an unidentified entity. The mariner decided to stay anyway, because this is a horror movie, and in the night he was startled awake by some kind of monster from the sea. He promptly dispatched said creature with an axe and buried it nearby. Sadly we don’t have a description, the body has not been found and it’s unclear whether the mariner’s actions reversed the curse.

I wish we had been able to stop and wander around the ruin, but we had a ferry to catch and they wait for no one.

Upon arrival on Unst, the northernmost of the inhabited British Isles, we stopped briefly at Bobby’s Bus Shelter. It’s named after local boy Bobby McCauley. Bobby, who took the bus to school every day, grew weary of the often long, cold and wet waits every morning at the bus stop. He wrote a letter of complaint to the local newspaper requesting that a shelter be built.

What Bobby wants, Bobby gets. The shelter was duly built and, soon after, a sofa appeared, followed by a table, a microwave, a carpet and other comforts of home. Before long, the humble bus shelter was a warm and welcoming place with its own visitors’ book. Now it is one of the most photographed attractions on Unst.

This brilliant shelter is decorated with a different and imaginative theme every year. Some examples: the Queen’s Jubilee, outer space, women’s suffrage, the colour yellow and an underwater theme.

Bobby recently earned his PhD at the University of Glasgow, so the bus shelter served him well.

And now a rather violent segue from sweet bus shelters to Vikings, as Unst is one of the richest Viking heritage sites in Europe, with over 60 longhouses uncovered by archeologists so far. At 61 degrees north, the island was the perfect resting spot for Norse travelers on the trading route between Scandinavia, Greenland and Newfoundland. Many settled in this northerly outpost, working the land and making it their home.

We stopped by the Skidbladner, a model Viking longship perched next to a longhouse replica just off the highway. After seeing all the longhouse ruins on this trip it was fun to see what they might have actually been like. Walking around the deck of the longship brought home how incredible, dangerous and possibly deeply irresponsible it was for the Vikings to set off in wooden ships and sail them westward into completely unknown northern waters. With no GPS, no motor and no idea the world was round they relied solely on a sense of adventure and perhaps too much testosterone. Since they managed to run into the UK, Iceland and further afield as far as Canada (at least), the gods were obviously in their favor.

Boarding the longship

Our walk for the day was through Hermaness Nature Reserve to visit Unst’s northernmost point, which is also the furthest north you can go in Britain. From there we hoped to see the lighthouse on uninhabited Muckle Flugga, which is basically a rock in the sea and a wee bit further north.

Moody and misty Scotland, my favorite.
It was super boggy for the first mile or so but this wonderful boardwalk keeps walkers on the path with dry feet and protects the plentiful birdlife.

When we ascended to the clifftops, we were rewarded by a single puffin, featured at the beginning of this entry and below. It was thrilling.

Our scenic lunch spot.
This sweet little baby sheepie perched on his mom’s back was totes adorbs.
Another bonxie!
The mist grew ever more pervasive as we walked, diminishing our chances of seeing the lighthouse.
The furthest north I’ve ever been, with Muckle Flugga in the mist behind me.
The lighthouse on a mist-free day.

After the hike we intended to visit a teahouse, but overshot it and accidentally happened upon the Saxavord Spaceport, which was awesome. It is a former RAF base on a remote peninsula of Unst which has become the UK’s first licensed spaceport for vertical rocket launches. It will allow up to 30 satellites and other payloads to be launched into commercially valuable polar, sun-synchronous orbits (not taking any questions on that), which are in high demand from satellite operators for communications and Earth observation.

And, best of all, because this is Scotland, even serious rocket launchers have a sense of humor.

How awesome is this, I mean really.

We found our way back to the route and headed to the teahouse. Almost every Unst business, it seems, advertises itself as being the “most northerly.” We even passed by the Most Northerly Kirk. Likewise, Victoria’s Vintage Tea Shop was advertised as the most northerly. And it served the most northerly, and delicious, scones.

And so, my dudes, we at last find ourselves on our final day in Shetland. We spent our morning on a lovely walk near Eshaness. But first, a note about Shetland’s plentiful public toilets, or “bogs.” There are so many of them and they are all plumbed, well-cared for, and have plenty of parking. As remote as Shetland is, one never has to worry about drinking too much coffee in the morning. Some are quite creatively decorated with special bog poetry framed on the walls.

Our walk started at Eshaness Lighthouse, the spot I had visited earlier with Drew. We meandered along the volcanic clifftops, navigating lots of stiles (I love stiles) and reveling in the plentiful wildflowers.

We came across a storm beach composed largely of giant boulders which had been tossed onshore by violent wind and waves over the years. Hard to imagine on this lovely calm day.

The trail then let us to the Holes of Scraada, a collapsed sea cave, apparently Britain’s largest.

We next walked by the remains of an old water mill and then happened upon the Eshaness Broch, where we had our lunch.

After our last lovely walk, we boarded the van and drove back to Lerwick, where Kirsty dropped folks off at the Shetland Museum and I had to bid a very fond farewell to my intrepid compatriots before heading to Sumburgh Airport for my flight to Edinburgh.

Sadly but fondly bidding farewell to my fellow travelers.
One last and lovely photo of Shetland, courtesy of Jill.
My flight back to Edinburgh on LoganAir – clearly will never get over the plaid headrest situation. It is everything.

On my last two nights in Scotland I had decided to stay in Leith, a few tram stops and couple of miles north of Edinburgh. It used to be the gritty, druggy dock area of town (see “Trainspotting”) but it has undergone a massive redevelopment and is now known for its vibrant arts and culture scene, cool neighborhoods and a plethora of fabulous restaurants, coffee houses and bars. Edinburgh has five Michelin-starred restaurants and three of them are in Leith, and in fact Leith now has the highest concentration of said restaurants per square meter outside of London. (For the record I have had fabulous meals in two out of the three, Tom Kitchin’s last year, Heron this year and Martin Wishart still to come.)

Leith is the home of the Royal Yacht Brittanica, and in honor of her being nearby I booked a room at Ocean Mist Leith, a boat with a singular history. It was built in 1919 as a minesweeper but a year later was sold to Kenelm Guinness (yes that family), a race car driver, inventor and playboy, the kinds of “occupations” men of his circumstances had the freedom to choose back in the day. I mean who wouldn’t choose to be an inventor if having an income didn’t matter? Kenelm converted the boat to a “gentleman’s pleasure yacht,” which – er, whatever.

Abysmal haircut, a mustache is never a good idea, and yikes “bvb” alert. (before vital braces)

The boat next changed ownership through a series of Dukes, Sirs and MPs until it was requisitioned by the admiralty during World War II, finally fulfilling its original purpose as a torpedo recovery vessel. Then it changed hands through several businessmen, including one who ran whisky from Scotland to California during Prohibition. It docked in Leith in 1983 and became various nightclubs and restaurants before falling into disrepair. The current owners took it down to its bones for a complete, and gorgeous, renovation.

The hotel is extremely, extremely cool and somehow I was given the room at the bow of the boat that served as Captain Kenelm’s quarters.

Since the room is at the bow of the ship, the floor slopes sharply upward to the windows.
If you don’t want to be disturbed you must put this creepy weighted lion outside your door.

And my dudes, I had my own deck and I must say I was quite, quite fancy during my stay. Here I am enjoying a Guinness on my deck just because.

To you, Kenelm. I hope you invented something.

The following morning before heading to the airport I walked around town, grabbed a coffee and snapped a few last photos.

And at last we find ourselves at the end of this trip. So much gratitude to all of you for coming along with me, and for all your kind comments.

I’ll leave you with this sign inside a Leith coffee house called Toast, which is very – Scotland.

OK and maybe also some blooming azaleas from the Royal Botanical Gardens in Edinburgh.

At the risk of this blog ending like Lord of the Rings, just one more, a farewell poppy from the gardens of Busta House.

Until next time, safe travels, happy landings and all my good wishes.

Lothian and The Borders: Castles, Abbeys, Best and Happiest Towns, Bruce’s Heart, Walter Scott’s Crib and Roadside Attractions

View from my abode at Eastside Cottages, Pentland Hills

On my way from Stirling to the Pentland Hills south of Edinburgh, I made a few stops to break up the brutally long 57 minute drive.

First was the picturesque little town of Falkland, a haven for Outlander film locations. Not only the town itself but also Falkland Palace, which was the Stuart Family’s Balmoral Castle in the 1600s.

First, let’s do Outlander so you can roll your eyes and get it over with. Falkland was the main shooting location for Inverness because it looks more like how one imagines Inverness than Inverness itself.

As many of you know, Claire and Frank, after the end of World War II, took a second honeymoon to Scotland and stayed at Mrs. Baird’s Bed & Breakfast, which was shot at the Covenanter Hotel. They display the sign used in the show inside. You will recognize other spots below.

I mean why not take advantage.
The window where Claire saw the blue vase.
One of the most romantic scenes ever. And it was just a kilted Highlander from the 1700s watching a woman in the post-war 1940s brush her hair in an upstairs window. In the rain.
Claire and Murtagh walked down this street after visiting an ill Alexander Randall.
It’s a gorgeous little town, Falkland, Outlander aside.

And now to Falkland Palace, which is right in the center of town. Built in the thirteen century, James I (of Scotland) took possession of it for the crown two centuries later, after which it became a popular retreat for all the Stuart monarchs. This was one of Mary QOS’s favorite spots to get away from it all.

Falkland Palace

The palace is quite enchanting, and you’ll find the oldest tennis court in the UK on its grounds, built by James V in 1538 – and Mary, an accomplished athlete, often played here. Tennis was originally played by French monks before it became popular with nobility. The word comes from the French word tenez, or “hold on,” the warning that was shouted before every serve. (Let’s bring that back, shall we?) The game had different rules then, it was actually much more complicated – you can see a series of lines, numbers and crowns marked on the floor and walls, which were all used to calculate scores. All four walls and the roof of the spectator’s gallery were used (making it literally a dangerous spectator sport) plus players got extra points if they hit a ball through a hole in the wall. Also a servant would serve to avoid the fancy people having to bend their bodies in their ridiculous restrictive clothing. Mary QOS played in breeches for this reason – badass that she was.

A couple of lovely nooks inside the Palace.

There’s one minor Outlander shooting location inside the Palace. The apothecary scene where Claire sees Mary Hawkins buying laudanum for Alex Randall is there, and the castle has kept the location roughly as it was during filming because why wouldn’t you.

Next on our mini road trip is Dunfermline Abbey & Palace, which was given to Princess Anna of Denmark as a wedding present when she married James VI in 1589. The medieval Benedictine abbey still exists, even after being sacked by Cromwell, and it’s connected to a newer parish church still in use. You can also see ruins from numerous nearby structures, all built by Queen Anna. She turned Dunfermline into an incredible royal residence.

Many of the old kings of Scotland are buried here, including Malcom III and IV, Edgar I, Alexander I, and David I, Malcolm IV, Alexander III, although we don’t know the exact location of their graves, which is disappointing.

The ruins and abbey are stunning.

Dunfermline Abbey, the older section on the left.
Palace ruins.
The Old Abbey. It’s big, dark and cold. Very cool.

While we may not know exactly who is buried where inside this gorgeous abbey, one dude we do know about, and that is King Robert the Bruce (minus his heart, stay tuned). This is the very incongruous part. His remains were moved around a bit, but he’s now interred in the more recent section of the church (let me tell you its jarring to walk from the ruins of the beautiful stone cathedral into the parish church, like stepping through a portal and not in a good way). The Bruce, man of legend, is installed beneath the raised platform the current pastor sermonizes from, otherwise known as the pulpit. He shouldn’t be underneath this tacky wooden thing. The church is all white walls and blue carpeting and also the shiny gold leaf does not seem like the appropriate vibe. Personally I wouldn’t have planted him there, aesthetically speaking.

I object.

Having had my fill of old royalty, arriving at the beautiful Eastside Cottages was a balm for the soul. The owners of the farm have refurbished the outbuildings with a scandy vibe and it’s quite wonderful. During the pandemic they posted nature moments of Zen on instagram, several minutes of natural beauty, nothing more than a breeze, birdsong, hills and peace. I think I watched every one of them.

Here are a few photos from the lovely five days I spent here.

Meet Oscar the fabulous horse.

My first night, I walked up to the top of the two hills behind the farm, called West Kip and East Kip. A great walk with unbelievable views toward Edinburgh and the River Forth and across the Pentland Hills.

Frolicking sheepies.
My room is to the left of this magical passageway. Sadly the weather was too warm to use that wood in my fireplace.

Now listen. This is the part where I missed the most spectacular Northern Lights display in the history of the freaking UK. Why? Largely because my news sources are all eight hours in the past. I simply didn’t realize and it was super irritating to wake up and see my instagram feed the next day. And here I am out in the country with no light pollution and gorgeous hills.

I don’t want to hear any more about it, okay?

So we’ll not speak of it again but will simply move onto the following morning when I took a boat out to Loch Leven Castle.

I wish I had a drone sometimes.

The castle was built in 1300 and was likely captured from the Edward I’s forces by William Wallace. The man was everywhere. It was later visited by Robert the Bruce (also everywhere) and his son David II. Mary QOS (ditto) was a guest there on three occasions, but the castle is most famous for her fourth involuntary return. Her marriage to Lord Bothwell after Darnley’s murder was too much for some of her lords and lo, they became rebellious. Mary ultimately surrendered to them after a battle and was taken prisoner and sent to Loch Leven under the watchful eye of its owner, Sir William Douglas. She was pregnant at the time, and during her year-long imprisonment she miscarried twins. She was also forced to abdicate in favor of her infant son James – he was crowned at Stirling five days later. The original annus horribilis.

With the help of the illegitimate son of her captor, the guy who took care of the boats, she managed to escape, and quickly raised six thousand troops. Sadly she was defeated at the Battle of Langside just two weeks later, and fled to England, never to return.

It was a gorgeous day for a visit, although a little on the warm side for the things in my suitcase.

Douglas allowed Mary this oratory so she could attend Mass during her imprisonment

As I waited by the dock for the boat to arrive (yes they take twelve of us out there and then leave us all alone!), I had to appreciate this woman’s going-to-a-castle fashion. She deflected my compliment, as all women do, by telling me she bought it at H&M, and shrugged apologetically. Let’s stop doing that, shall we ladies?

When our boat arrived, a dad and his son appeared at the dock on a paddleboard, basically crashing the party without paying Historic Environment Scotland ten pounds for the privilege. Our boat captain explained they couldn’t land there and kindly asked whether the young boy needed to use the restroom. The dad assured her they were just hanging out for a moment. As soon as the boat launched, we looked back, and sure enough, dad was pulling the board onto the shore. Both the captain and the fashion lady were appalled and agreed this was “quite cheeky” behavior. I know I’m pathologically charmed by a British accent and all, but really what a lovely way to cast shade.

Farewell, Loch Leven Castle

The next day I drove to the East Lothian coast to visit yet another castle and the best place to live in the UK.

The castle is a ruin called Tantallon. It’s stunningly huge. Built in the mid-1300s by the “Red Douglas family,” it’s considered to be the last truly great castle built in Scotland. Besides one recorded visit from Mary QOS, it most notably was besieged a lot. James IV in 1491, James V in 1528 and of course Oliver Cromwell, which explains why there are no windows, just embrasures for cannons. Cromwell’s attack caused such destruction that the fortress was abandoned afterward.

Honestly, wouldn’t you like to tell Cromwell that this whole venture of his doesn’t end well and so he should stop being a destructive dickhead?

The Douglas family was in fact feeling all schadenfreude when they heard the news that Cromwell’s body was exhumed from Westminster Abbey by Charles II after the Restoration, hung and beheaded, with his gnarly old head displayed on a pike for 30 years. Ah olden times. (See previous blog)

Some Tantallon photos:

And again with the sketchy spiral staircases and big open climbs to the tippy top, and also, cliffs. Even the warning signs around the property are comical when seen through American eyes where everything is so regulated and guard-railed. Half the ruins in Scotland would be shut down under our public safety rules.

I mean, at least these ancient decrepit steps were blocked off, as they basically constitute a technical climb.

At least the last thing you saw as you plummeted to your death would be Bass Rock. Known as “The Bass,” it is an island in the Firth of Forth that plays host to the world’s largest colony of Northern gannets, namely, 150,000 of them.

The lighthouse!
This is NOT a drone shot, it’s me at the tippy top.
Here’s my hair in the high altitude breezes to prove it.

Probably too many photos, but it’s cool, right? Anyway, back to the giant gannet colony! As you can imagine, 150,000 gannets leave droppings that off-gas 152 kg of ammonia per year, and the Bass looks white from above. And the smell would be amazing.

One would think that the island would not have been inhabited throughout history for these reasons, but no. It was settled by an early Christian hermit and later was the site of an important castle, now in ruins. James I of Scotland used to imprison his enemies there in the 15th century. The island belonged to the Lauder family (not those Lauders) for six centuries. In the 1600s it was seized by four Jacobites imprisoned there, which they held against government forces for nearly three years. One of the Stevenson lighthouses is perched on a ledge, built in 1902.

Since 1706 the island has been owned by the Dalrymple family.

Before we leave, let’s return to the gannets. Sadly, in 2022 avian influenza was detected on the Bass and more than 5,000 dead birds were counted on a single day. The disease remains a concern in seabird colonies around the world.

Now onto the delightful seaside town of North Berwick, which topped a list of 72 locations in the Sunday Times’ annual report of best places to live in the UK. It was selected for its combination of community spirit, connections to nearby Edinburgh, a thriving high street with independent shops and two pretty beaches. I have to say I felt the community spirit while I walked around the pretty streets.

North Berwick
The coast is lined with benches where people hang out.
Along the shore, families gather to play tiny games of golf.
A saltwater pool next to the sea.

And if you ever find yourself in this beautiful part of Scotland, please have lunch at Drift, an awesome cafe on a cliff with views of the Bass.

The view from my table at Drift.
Drift and Bass Rock
The cafe design takes full advantage of the views.

As the next day dawned, I drove to the Scottish Borders, a beautiful, fertile region featuring green, gorgeous hills and a meandering River Tweed. I visited Sir Walter Scott’s home, Abbotsford, a magnificent castle-like abode with gorgeous gardens.

Since we’ve all only read Ivanhoe, it’s interesting to note that in fact Scott wrote 25 books and is considered to be the inventor of the historical novel. He was also a fine poet. In his spare time, he was also responsible for finding the Scottish Crown Jewels after they were lost for a wee while (see previous blog), and he stage-managed George IV’s trip to Scotland which helped rehabilitate and romanticize Highland culture. He wrote books and poems about the 1745 Jacobite rebellion, and our three lads and a lassie, Robert the Bruce, William Wallace, Rob Roy and Mary QOS.

After touring Abbotsford, I have the sense that he was a very cool guy with a cool wife and four successful kids and he’d be on my list of time machine meet-up people.

The nucleus of Abbotsford was 100 acres of farmland Scott purchased. He modestly, and then more aggressively expanded over the years, not only creating his large home but adding 900 acres along the River Tweed. Unfortunately, in 1825 a UK-wide banking crisis resulted in the collapse of the Ballantine printing business, of which Scott was the only partner with a financial interest. It had debts of 130,000 pounds (equivalent to 13.5 million today). He refused to accept financial help and instead placed Abbotsford into a trust in the name of his creditors and wrote his ass off. The debt was paid off shortly after he died.

The house is gorgeous, and his interest in Scottish history apparent, as he had a fascinating collection of artifacts on display, including items apparently belonging to Peepaw Roy, Mary QOS and the Bonnie Prince. The lower floors of the house are on the tour, nothing upstairs. The house was exactly as he left it at his direction.

My favorite room was his study with an upper library lining the ceiling. There is a staircase up, and a door in the opposite corner leading to his dressing room, so he could escape uninteresting guests.

All of the rooms were remarkable.

The gardens are dreamy and well tended.

I was surprised by the beauty and character of the Scottish Borders, largely because somehow I’ve turned into a Highlands snob. The Borders are a quaint small town showcase, with wonderful names like Upsettlington, Blyth Bridge, Teviothead, Innerleithen, Tweedbank, Peebles and Melrose.

Speaking of which, I had lunch in Galashiels, recently named the happiest place to live in Scotland, 15th overall in the UK. Called Gala, it’s the cheapest town on the list with average home price of 163,634 pounds, or just $205,000. In addition to a very reasonable cost of living, the town has a strong sense of belonging and community spirit. One resident referred to, “so many little acts of kindness that are carried out without fanfare.”

My last planned stop was the town of Melrose to visit the Abbey. As I walked into the gift shop to check in, a gallant gentleman staff member was capturing a yellow jacket between a map of the grounds and a plastic cup – ugh, those hateful bugs, they are a plague. He was adorable, congratulating me for being the 79th guest of the day and pretending to hand me his spoils as my prize.

The Abbey is undergoing a wee bit of rehabilitation.

Guess what is buried on the grounds of the Abbey? The heart of Robert the Bruce. Apparently Robert had always wanted to go on Crusade but he had a hard time leaving Scotland because it required ongoing protection. So, on his deathbed, he asked his friend James Douglas to take his heart on one. Sadly the Pope hadn’t called for a crusade for a while and so Douglas intended to take it to Jerusalem’s Church of the Holy Sepulchre before burying it at Melrose Abbey. The heart was given to him in an urn to be worn as a necklace, a questionable choice. Unfortunately Douglas and his knights were instead called to fight against the Moors who were attempting to take Spain, so that’s where Robert’s heart went as well. Douglas was killed in a surprise attack but as he was dying he threw the heart into the air and shouted, “Lead on brave heart, I’ll follow thee.” THAT, my friends, is where Braveheart came from. Bruce’s heart, along with Robert’s remains, were carried back to Scotland.

The heart was buried with Douglas near the Abbey. The heart was exhumed in 1920 and then buried again without a marker, why is beyond me. Luckily, in 1996 during excavations of abbey ruins a canister was discovered with the urn inside along with a note saying it had been found in 1920. Ultimately, this was mostly confirmed to be Bruce’s heart.

It was the right age, and nobody else had the idea to bury their heart there apparently. And thus here ya go:

The heart of The Bruce

The other best thing about the Abbey is a 14th century gargoyle of a pig playing the bagpipes. It seems an odd thing for a serious place like a church, as medieval churches aren’t generally known for their wit and whimsy. The sculptor is another member of my time machine meet-up list.

I topped off the day with an unexpected visit to a slightly sad roadside attraction. One thing about traveling alone is that you can stop whenever you want without consulting anyone, even for an adventure that might end up being dumb. When I was a kid and we were piled in the car driving across country to visit grandparents, we never got to stop at a roadside attraction. There was really no stopping for any reason unless you convinced my dad you had to pee and it had been a respectable amount of time since you last did so. So forget the Largest Ball of Twine or whatever. So in Dad’s honor, I impulsively stopped at the Great Polish Map of Scotland.

The map was the brainchild of Jan Tomasik, a sergeant in the 1st Polish Armoured Division who was stationed in Galashiels (the happiest town) in WWII. He married a Scottish nurse and became a successful hotelier after the war. He bought the Hotel Black Barony, near Peebles, in 1968 and a few years later had the idea to create a large physical relief map of Scotland on the grounds of his hotel. Out of sculpted concrete. It took six years to build. He told hotel patrons, “I shall die, but I shall leave my map as a gift to the Scottish people to thank them for the hospitality they showed the Poles when it was needed,” which is really nice.

Like the mirror box sculpture, though, it’s a little worse for wear, and you can’t really get high enough to appreciate the full impact of the piece. It’s also supposed to be surrounded by water with even some of the major rivers filled, but it’s just mucky with bits of trash.

View from the viewing platform which needs to be higher.
A sad state of affairs for Lewis and Harris.

The hotel closed in 1985 and the map became overgrown. In 2010 a group of volunteers decided to save and restore it and they secured funding for it in 2013, ten years ago now. Even though the hotel is back in action, I fear maintaining this might be a lost cause.

Even though it’s the largest outdoor relief map in the world! A few steps up from the largest ball of twine.

And with that, a most excellent day in the Scottish Borders came to a conclusion.

Rosslyn Chapel was on the next day’s agenda.

The chapel was designed and built (over a 40 year period) by Sir William St. Clair who had much grander plans than what you see, which is pretty freaking grand. His motivation was to attempt to secure his spot in heaven because that’s how you do it apparently.

The ultimate dream, alas, unrealized.

The chapel is undeniably gorgeous – hands down the most incredible church-like situation I’ve ever seen. Yet interestingly, still, after all the time, 50% of visitors are there because of the DaVinci Code.

Tom Hanks makes his first appearance on the Wee Dram!

The chapel is the definition of Gothic with flying buttresses and whatnot, and so many gargoyles inside and out. As you aren’t allowed to snap photos inside, here are a couple of fantastic outdoor gargoyles.

Legend tells us that a vault as deep as the chapel is high is carved out beneath the building, and inside is the final resting place of the medieval St. Clair knights who are laid out in their full suits of armor. Rumors also abound that other cool stuff is down there too, including the Holy Grail (!!), the Ark of the Covenant (!!!) and the head of Christ (!!!!!!!). Alert Dr Jones.

Ditto Harrison Ford!

Since I haven’t mentioned Henry VIII yet on this trip – now is the time. In 1544, the chapel was damaged during his so-called “rough wooing,” when he declared war on Scotland in an attempt to force the Scots to agree to a marriage between his son Edward (who died of tuberculosis at 15) and Mary QOS. Cromwell’s troops stabled their horses here while they ransacked nearby Rosslyn Castle (currently being restored), and, in 1842, Queen Victoria visited the Chapel and expressed the desire that it be preserved. Also, the adjacent Rosslyn Inn hosted Edward VII, Dr. Samuel Johnson, Robert Burns and Walter Scott as guests.

Rosslyn Inn

I returned to Eastside Farm, and had one last lovely walk. In my absence, they had moved the sheep around, and so now the males, which are separated from the females and their babies in the spring, were patrolling the road. I wasn’t entirely sure about this guy. We had to negotiate a few things.

And with that, dear readers, we are off to Shetland.

Say goodbye to Oscar.

The Three Sisters of Glencoe, a Fairy Bridge and a Haunted Pub

I spent today, my last in Glencoe, with the Three Sisters. As it came to a close, I left the glen and drove to Appin to find a fairy bridge and have dinner at a haunted pub on the shores of Loch Linnie with a castle view. These are the kinds of activities you can throw together in Scotland.

We have Three Sisters in the Central Oregon Cascades known as South, Middle and North – not the most original but people were probably tired from crossing the Oregon Trail and not feeling particularly creative. In Glencoe the sisters are known as Beinn Fhada (long hill), Gearr Aonach (short ridge) and Aonach Dubh (black ridge), all a part of a ridge known as Bidean Nam Bian, meaning “peak of the mountains.” Also more descriptive than creative but the Gaelic adds zhuzh.

Morning commenced with a hike called The Lost Valley, or Coire Gabhail (pronounced “corry gale”), located between the easternmost sister and the middle one. The valley was not lost but a secret, and hard to access. It was used by the MacDonalds as a hiding place for rustled cattle (the family business) and it served as a refuge for those who escaped being murdered during the 1692 Massacre of Glen Coe. Although not really a refuge, as it turned out, since more folks froze to death after escaping than were killed by members of the Campbell Clan, aka rudest guests ever. Ah, but you know all about the Massacre because you read my previous blog and memorized all the facts.

The hike featured some challenging moments and the idea of urging a herd of cattle up this canyon seems completely insane but back in the day maybe cows were tougher. And fleeing up into the canyon in the snow and dead of night with no light source sounds even more impossible.

While relatively short, the hike is a gnarly enough to merit installed hiking accessories along the trail which is not much of a thing in Scotland. There are steep metal steps, handrails, and metal cables drilled into rock next to a sheer slope so you can pull yourself up. Another bit of perilous business leaves you to your own devices as there was simply nothing for it. It’s a section of smooth, steep rock with a fun drop off down one side. Walkhighlands says, “the scrambling is pretty straightforward but some may find the situation airy.” Meaning too much air and not enough rock I guess? To make matters more exciting, the rock has been polished to a high sheen due to years and years of rear-end polishing thanks to all the butts that have slid down it. If you find yourself in Glencoe, do not attempt this hike if it’s been raining. This would be my advice.

And goodness gracious me it was beautiful.

The Lost Valley itself was like a moonscape. Much larger than I expected, it could hold a fair few cattle. And by that I mean easily hundreds.

The descent was easier even with my knees not being fully stoked. And there is often a piper in that particular parking lot, as there was this day, and so my return was scored with a triumphant soundtrack. That’s right, I thought. I did it and now the pipes are playing me home.

By the way, McRaggie plays entrance music whenever I open the car door. More orchestral than bagpipes. It makes me smile every single time. And I play the NYTimes mini-crossword for the little jazzy piano tune it plays when you complete it. Maybe I should speak to a therapist about this.

Buoyed by not dying, I thought another walk was totally reasonable and so stopped for a quick ramble to visit Ralston’s Cairn. And admittedly I never would have known it existed without Instagram. Ralston Claud Muir was a train driver on the West Highland Line and loved to hike in the hills of Glencoe. He sadly died unexpectedly at 32 and his friends and family erected a wee cairn and spread his ashes there. It’s a gorgeous spot, off the trail and a little hard to find, which he probably would have appreciated. I suspect other ashes have been surreptitiously added over the last twenty plus years.

The cairn walk is a festival of Three Sisters views.
The trail is along the old military road that runs through Glencoe.
I feel this sentiment.

I planned to head to nearby Appin for dinner, and had recently learned there was a lovely walk in the area. It’s in Glen Creran Forest and features a 500 year old bridge known more specifically as, of course, the Fairy Bridge.

The hike is at the end of a single track road along Loch Creran lined by fabulous old homes with brilliant landscaping, azaleas in full bloom. Saw lots of ladies out and about tending their gardens. And so many border collies.

Arriving at the small car park, no sooner had I turned off the ignition than I was unexpectedly accosted by a blonde Norwegian woman who told me with great certainty tinged with agitation that this was the wrong car park. “I’m sorry?” “Are you going to the Fairy Bridge?” “Yes.” “Well, this is the wrong car park. We followed navigation but there’s no cell service here. Do you have different navigation?”

Forgive me, but I had absolutely zero interest in suggesting we should walk together even though I had downloaded the map and didn’t need cell service and I’ll fight anyone who says Walkhighlands.com would ever lead you to the wrong car park.

Plus I had to pee, so.

“Well, I’m just going to go for a little walk anyway to stretch my legs I think,” I said, trying to make her go away. She wandered off and then reappeared before I could lace up my boots, and shared more late breaking news. “I went up there,” gesturing vaguely behind her, “and there’s a board, and there’s a way you can get to the Bridge from here but it’s a detour (thus implicitly sticking to her wrong car park theory) so I’m sure you’ll find it.”

Does she want me to ask her to come with? Or is she leaving? If I can find it, why can’t she? What is happening? I saw she had a dude in her car because one of his legs was sticking out of the door and she kept going back and consulting it. I’m imagining he was rolling his eyes at this whole Fairy Bridge ordeal that she coerced him into (I mean to be fair how many men would be like, yes please, let’s go see the Fairy Bridge). Also he was no doubt exhausted by the disproportionate drama that invades much of his life due to this woman of certitude.

When she wandered off again to consult the leg I seized my chance, vaulted out of the car and hauled ass up the steep trail.

The real revelation on that walk, though, was not the bridge but the bluebells. They completely blanketed both sides of the trail along the entire walk. I couldn’t quite capture their beauty. Some things are just better in real life.

Not easy to outdo the bluebells but the Fairy Bridge was relatively nifty. And for the record, it wasn’t part of a “detour” or whatever. Walkhighlands remains invincible.

Coincidentally, the BBC just ran a piece on the couple who created (in 2006) and continue to maintain that invaluable hiking resource, Helen and Paul. You might enjoy taking a peek: https://www.bbc.co.uk/news/articles/c72py4xg2w4o

Helen and Paul, bless you.

I walked along the road for a bit on the way back to the car and tried to imagine what it must be like to live there…..and came to the conclusion that it wouldn’t be a hardship.

I should also mention, as it ties in beautifully with a story you’re about to hear, that I came upon a signpost along the Fairy Bridge trail which referenced nearby Glen Ure and included quite a detailed history. Back in the 1700s Colin Campbell was the Laird of Glen Ure and you might jot that down as we rejoin our pal McRaggie in the parking lot and head to dinner at the Old Inn.

Appin, on the shores of Loch Linnie, is interestingly central – it’s 100 miles from Glasgow, Edinburgh and Inverness. The Old Inn, I had heard, is allegedly haunted by the ghost of a Highlander wrongly hanged for murder. Excellent. The pub was established in 1670, closed in 1880, and Jim Mulligan bought the property in 2016 and gamely undertook a $1.2 million restoration project. Jim believes he has identified the ghost. He thinks it’s James Stewart, known as “James of the Glen.” He was hanged for shooting Colin Campbell, “The Red Fox,” (honestly these monikers) in Appin in 1752.

The Old Inn

This is what happened. Campbell, a government agent, was shot in the back while collecting rents from members of the Stewart family whose estates had been forfeited to the British government due to the clan’s support of the 1745 Jacobite rising. Upon being shot James allegedly informed everyone, “Oh, I am dead,” or words to that effect, and his alarmed compatriots observed a shadowy figure running away into the hills. George II’s government was jittery after the ‘45 and thought these could have been the first shots fired in another rebellion and so London sent word to do whatever was necessary to handle the situation, preferably making an example of the perpetrator. Shut it the hell down, in other words.

Our future ghost James, the most powerful Stewart in the area, had led local opposition to the evictions. In other words, he was a perfect mark. And so he was arrested and charged with aiding and abetting the murderous act of his foster son, Allan Breck Stewart. (Sounds odd but sons of clan members commonly lived under the protection of the clan chief). Allan fought on the Jacobite side at Prestonpans and so was another obvious scapegoat, although he wisely fled to France and so was beyond the reach of government authorities. After a four day trial, with most of the jurors being (ahem) Campbells, the verdict was a foregone conclusion for our poor James.

He was hanged near Glencoe (wee reminder here that the Campbells were also the bad guys in the Glencoe massacre sixty years earlier) and, dear readers, avert your eyes. His body was left dangling from the gallows under guard for three years. Under guard. Lest you think your company piffles FTE on unnecessary tasks.

It was known locally that neither Allan nor James were involved in the murder. You can see why James, in particular, would be super pissed about the chain of events but it’s hard to imagine that he’d live out his ghostly days haunting a renovated pub in Appin. Getting his sweet, sweet revenge by bothering its staff.

Ah but our story doesn’t end there. Many stories about Scottish history that have seeped into popular imagination are due to either Walter Scott or Robert Louis Stevenson wandering through the past in search of material. They wrote accounts about historical incidents which launched these mostly forgotten and not widely known events into worldwide notoriety. They were, in essence, the 24 hour news cycle of the early 1800s and had much to do with romanticizing Highland culture.

In this case, a hundred years after the murder, Stevenson’s father found, in Inverness, a slim volume called Trial of Stewart. He thoughtfully purchased it for his son who was writing a book on the history of the Highlands (instead of designing and building all the lighthouses in Scotland, see previous blog entries about this family).

As a result of this gift, our man Allan Breck Stewart, even though he managed to escape history for a time, became the lead character in “Kidnapped,” Stevenson’s book that dramatized the Appin murder. Thus Allan, who played quite a minor role in the Appin murder, became immortalized a hundred years after his death.

Also, now I have to read Kidnapped.

So not to cast aspersions on our friend Jim the pub owner, but his sly assertion that the ghost of the Appin Inn is James of the Glen – because he drank in the pub (as did everyone) and because some evidence for the trial was presented in the Inn’s back room, is clearly more about publicity than reality. But I mean good for him, if a famous ghost gets him butts in seats, all to the good.

Speaking of reality, let me be clear that this does not mean the pub is ghost-free. Staff have been creeped out by rattling glasses, pans flying through the air and chairs falling over. Mysterious footsteps in an empty upstairs room and shadowy ghost figures have caused people who aren’t paid enough for this crap to turn out the lights and skedaddle. Most creepily a nonbelieving staffer, alone at night, said, “The fire suddenly went down and the glasses in the gantry started rattling. We had a St. Andrew’s flag up above the gantry and, when the glasses stopped, the flag started billowing. I looked round and a chair was on its side.”

Yikes.

The last thing you should know about the Old Inn at Appin is that the food is excellent – they specialize in locally sourced grass fed steaks, which I ordered. So, dear reader, I have my first (confirmed) experience of eating a Highland Coo. Don’t judge. I feel bad about it.

Early in the evening.
The ginger guy is the bartender.
The cool bar.
Flashback to my last trip – ahh the Hebrides.

The pub serves a DELICIOUS black pepper cream sauce to go with their steaks and chips. It’s a hefty portion served hot in a ramekin. I was contently dousing a bite of coo when something fell in with a splash. I stared, taking a second to clock that a dreaded yellow jacket had swan dived into my ramekin. I harbor quite a bit of hate in my heart for the aggressive meat-eating little dickheads, their families, and all they represent. I scooped it up into my spoon and flicked it onto the table where it staggered around drunkenly, coated in black-flecked white goo. My first thought, and I’m allergic to yellowjackets mind you, was that I need to have my cream sauce replaced as soon as possible. I waved down the waiter and explained – he nodded and whisked the ramekin away. Shortly thereafter the bartender brought me a new one filled to the brim and steaming hot. I dismissively gestured at the bee, still carving a drunken path around the table, he nodded, disappeared and came back with a paper towel. The bee found its footing and obligingly climbed onto it and he took it outside. He told me later he tried to wipe the peppercorn cream sauce off the bee but could not give me a solid prognosis as as to his recovery.

“He’ll probably be popular with the other bees,” I suggested, possibly batting my eyelashes. I mean seriously, my hero. An entire new ramekin of the best sauce in the world and a bee whisperer.

After basically drinking my weight in sauce, I wandered down to the Loch and snapped a few backlit photos of Castle Stalker. It’s privately owned but they do arrange tours and take people out there by boat during the summer.

And what is its history, you ask? We are at the end of our entry and possibly our tolerance for obscure Scottish history, so allow me to simply share the nutshell version. It was built in 1320 and many clans have passed through its halls since. There have been MacDougalls, Stewarts, King Bruce, the Lord of Lorn, a MacLaren, MacCouls, MacDonalds, Campbells, a dude called Donald of the Hammers, more than a few murders, battles, cattle rustling, a passage of title via a drunken wager and also a besiegement or two. It was occupied by government forces after Culloden and served as a local center for the surrender of weapons. The roof collapsed at one point and the owners didn’t bother repairing it because no roof meant no taxes. At last, in 1965, Lt. Colonel Stewart Allward purchased it from a Stewart and oversaw a ten-year restoration. It’s now fully habitable.

Castle Stalker. It’s larger than it looks.

The day’s adventures having at last come to a close, I headed back to Glencoe for one more night. It was such a beautiful evening I drove down Glen Etive and gave the Bookel a proper goodbye.

McRaggie and the Bookel.

The Perfect Romance and Shield-Biting

Edinburgh Castle

Made it. Back to Scotland. And you guys. You know how when you are flying alone there’s that thing where as people are boarding you are sending prayers and entreaties into the Universe about your incoming seat mate especially those qualities you absolutely do not want? I’m here to tell you that sometimes this works. On a ten hour transcontinental and transatlantic flight I somehow drew a tall gorgeous German physicist with dark hair, sleepy eyes and long eyelashes. I am not even kidding. I was so gobsmacked that I could barely speak to or look at him at first. Until, that is, I couldn’t open our introductory snack of artisanal cheese crackers. No really I couldn’t. He Sir Walter Raleigh’ed the situation and gallantly surrendered his open packet to me while he struggled with mine since it didn’t have the “notch” or whatever – at which point we started talking.

Dear Reader, I will not hold you in suspense but instead will answer your immediate question by breaking the devastating news that he has a girlfriend. Also I can’t remember his name because his mother is from Pasadena and his father is Bosnian and his father won naming rights.

He was born in Germany and moved to Zurich for his PhD (!) in quantum physics (!!) and he owns his own quantum computing company (!!!) that sells parts to, among others, the NSA. His ten minute presentation to me about quantum computing, complete with eloquent hand gestures, made me die a little on the inside. He had been in Portland and Seattle for a conference and meetings with Intel and Microsoft. He planned to disembark in Paris and hop on a private prop plane to a small town in France where he was meeting a friend for a sail around the English Channel. He also is about to take possession of a new catamaran which will feature prominently in his plan to take a year off with the dreaded partner – whom I immediately liked when he said he thought sailing was fun but his girlfriend really liked to arrive at places.

We had a great conversation wherein he said things like, “I usually don’t talk this much or share things like this.” To which I responded well that’s because we are soulmates (actually well that’s because I am a relentless question hamster). We both love the flight tracking thing and he reached over to my seatback screen and pinched and moved the map to show me various things like where his uncle lives and also the freaking Northwest Passage.

And obviously we slept together side by side after we ate our tiny portions of marginal food wrapped in foil. He had a very elaborate sleeping-on-a-plane system (he travels a lot) whereby he completely covered his head with his hoodie and put on weird sleep goggles but this charming quirkiness was easily forgiven.

In the morning he remarked about how well he had slept (because soulmates) and we embarked on a political discussion about the rise of white nationalism around the world and also how direct democracy works in Switzerland. While not in NATO because #neutrality he said their fighter jets were very old and this is the kind of national security thing that VOTERS DECIDE and they have refused to authorize modernization which seems risky since their defense is all on them and Russia is a two hour flight away. Also unsurprisingly the government has tons of excess tax money they’ve collected but can’t deploy because voters won’t greenlight anything.

He invited me to lean over and look out his window several times – and this was before we had brushed our teeth – once at a wind farm in the sea and once, in his sad words, at the “disappointing” English Channel which was like glass. While this would have been helpful during the Dunkirk evacuation, not so much when one has a sailing trip planned.

I also admittedly touched his shoe one time because he was wearing Tigers and I just got a pair and love that little flap over the heel, and also we both ordered our Starbucks airplane coffee black. I’m just saying.

Once we landed he helped me figure out my connecting gate because Charles de Gaulle is weird – as he described it the airport is organized in an unnecessarily complicated way for no reason except this is obviously a very French thing. Finally, I gave him a hug and we bid farewell forever.

I’m very sorry I don’t have a photo but I felt it would be a bridge too far and he was already, I could tell, being very Swiss/German about the hugging situation.

Travel, my friends, is the best.

And so I made it to Edinburgh in a very pleasant fashion, had a jet-lagged meal at Tom Kitchin’s new restaurant KORA, a lovely walk around parts of town I haven’t seen and spent some time at the Scottish National Museum.

The Museum is something. It’s like all the museums crammed into one. So you wander through quiet rooms devoted to fashion and design, through busy child-packed rooms featuring natural history, science and technology and finally through largely kid-free rooms devoted to Scottish history. So one minute there’s a dinosaur hanging from the ceiling or maybe an old airplane and the next you are looking at a silver box owned by Mary Queen of Scots and a sword allegedly carried by Robert the Bruce.

Dangling dinos
This silver box held the “casket letters” which implicated Mary in the murder of her husband Lord Darnley and resulted in her 19 year imprisonment which as we all know did not end well at all.

The coolest thing though is the Lewis Chessmen, 11th century hand-carved ivory chess pieces found in a Viking hoard on Lewis in the Outer Hebrides. The Scottish National Museum owns eleven of the pieces and the British Museum owns the remaining 82 (because that Museum has famously pilfered most of its collection from other countries’ stuff and I know that technically Scotland is part of the UK but still). Nobody knows the circumstances surrounding the find, the pieces just appeared one day in 1831 at a Society of Antiquaries of Scotland exhibit.

My favorites are these:

The Queen – who has apparently seen unimaginable horrors and has the same face as the King.
The Warder – aka the rook – who has seen so many horrors that he must bite his shield (Actually based, they think, on the berserkers of the Norse sagas)

Since this is Scotland, there is of course a Harry Potter connection. In Sorcerer’s Stone, Harry and Ron played their game of Wizard’s Chess with a replica of the Chessmen.

Backroads and The Royal Deeside

Trail whisky

This is my second Scotland Backroads trip and my fourth one overall. They do an amazing job. Intrepid and fun (by and large American) guests, wonderful off-the-beaten-path hikes, fabulous lodgings, and the leaders are excellent, fun and knowledgeable humans (and if you are in Scotland they have scotch in their backpacks at all times.) The backstage coordination is flawless as they wrangle as many as three vans to be magically in the right place at the right time to pick us up and/or dispense snacks and drinks, and the leaders appear out of nowhere at various remote spots along the trails to welcome you to wherever you are. Our leaders are two Americans (with European lives) Stephen and Josh, and one Brit from the Lake District, Fiona. I was also stoked to hear that a leader from my trip five years ago, Keith, a Scot, is now basically running all the UK trips.

My Uber to the meeting place was interesting, thanks to the driver. As always, I am struck by the knowledge Scots have of their country’s politics and history, and always with a unique turn of phrase. For example, his declaration that Trump and Boris Johnson were “worked up the back” by the same people. True! He opined that the current rise of the right around the world, most specifically Brexit, all had to do with trying to stop “people of any other hue” from showing up in the UK looking for a place to live and work. Also true! He also offered an excellent conspiracy theory about Nicola Sturgeon’s recent fall from grace and the office of First Minister. He said he knew it sounded crazy but was convinced that it was all orchestrated by the English because she had become too well-known, too widely seen as a strong world leader in her own right, and her being a her did not go over well. So they dug up dirt. He said nobody really bought the seriousness of the allegations that she and her husband misused SNP funds.

He dropped me at the beautiful Balmoral Hotel in Edinburgh where our group of intrepid Americans met one another and the three trip leaders. As usual, mostly couples, except for me and also a trio of women friends traveling together . This is great, although they cast a pall over the trip as it appeared they had COVID (although later we learned it was not COVID which maybe they should have said earlier but still they were hacking up their lungs and one just can’t do that these days). They also introduced themselves by reporting that while they all lived in various places they became friends in Santa Fe where they each had a second home. They met “through their horses” which could have been a funny and charming line yet their delivery made it less so. They had various other personality, uh, quirks, like knowing everything, trashing Edinburgh, constantly talking about the fact that they had second homes in Santa Fe and also this great trip one of them had just finished in the Dolomites. Luckily they largely kept to themselves so they wouldn’t infect all of us. I think the only person who caught their bug was one of the leaders, Stephen. And he was way cooler about it than 98% of people.

The first couple of days we did largely wooded hikes along rivers and waterfalls in the southern Cairngorms, near Balmoral in the Royal Deeside area.

We stayed at a charming family-run B&B in Ballater and learned that members of the Royal Family had just enjoyed dinner there.

The Family looms large around Balmoral Castle, and despite pretty universal pro-Scottish independence sentiment, in this area of the country it doesn’t extend to the Royals, largely because they show up here both physically and financially to support the community, the beneficent landholders/overlords that they are.

Not a bad view from my room.

One is struck, when wandering about Europe, with the immense weight of history. From Neolithic civilizations like the Picts in Scotland, to the Roman Empire, the Vikings and all the royal houses throughout history, with all their religious wars and Empire building, it’s quite a lot. Not to mention the World Wars which were of course much more immediate, dangerous and costly in many ways. And as I’ve said people here know their centuries of history as contrasted with Americans who largely can’t be bothered to learn 200 years of our own history, not to mention acknowledging what happened before we got here.

Now, mind, some of the history Scots claim to know may not be entirely accurate, especially that surrounding beloved and often rascally historical figures. For example, it’s remarkable how much Robert the Bruce and William Wallace got around in those days, how many places they slept, or roamed the halls or passed by, considering they were on horseback and didn’t live long (Bruce died at 54, Wallace at 35). Same deal with Bonnie Prince Charlie, and he was in Scotland for a grand total of 14 months before he escaped after Culloden and wasted away in an alcoholic stupor in Italy.

With a history that long, though, there’s no telling what you might find on a hike. Neolithic carvings, for example, and former 2,500 year old crannogs, which are artificial islands that had wooden structures on them, connected to the shore via a bridge. Like this:

One of our hikes featured a crannog constructed by people 2,500 years ago (the structure being long gone), followed shortly by a standing stone from the 800s, and a few steps later a natural “pot-hole” which was kind of an above-ground cave you could slither into which was the alleged hiding spot of the cousin of Rob Roy MacGregor.

An island built by humans 2,500 years ago.
Gorgeous stone carved in Viking times
Secret hiding place where an ancestor might have hidden after participating or instigating nefarious activities. Known as Burn O’Vat.

Anyway, back to Backroads. One of the things they do really well is connect their guests to local culture via local folks. In the case of this trip, we gathered with a whisky expert for a tasting, a restauranteur and his wife for a lovely meal in a tiny cafe next door to Balmoral, the winner of this years Braemar Highland Games (attended by the varsity members of the Royal Family), and one of the best pipers in the world who also happens to make the ancient instrument.

I’ll just tease it up by saying that I’m now one degree of separation away from Sam Heughan and Graham McTavish of Outlander fame. And from multiple members of the Royal Family.

I’ll leave you with a few photos from my favorite hiking day, up into the remote Eastern Highlands near Balmoral.

Not that it’s a competition but this is our little pod that made it up to the toppermost of the poppermost first.
Desolate moors
Sheepies!
A bothy along the way – a refuge for hikers
One of our trip leaders Josh, accurately discerning the deepest wishes and desires of his guests, pulls a full bottle of Highland Park out of his backpack and dispenses drams.
Ahh remoteness…..

Onward, Solo – Aviemore, Glencoe and a Few Memories In Which Things Come Full Circle

View of the Buachaille from my balcony at the KingsHouse Hotel in Glencoe. Insanity.

While I truly loved the Backroads tour, I was very much looking forward to a week or so on my own plus yay driving! Being an extroverted introvert and a Gemini, a bit of both is just the ticket. If there were three or four additional personality types in this category I’d for sure want a teensy bit of each.

I headed toward lovely Aviemore in the northern Cairngorms to stay at one of my favorite B&Bs in all the world, with two of my favorite B&B owners, Kirsty and Kev. Along the way, I stopped at Scone Palace, the former home of the Coronation Stone, which you may be familiar with since we just coronated King Charles as he perched on top of it just to make it clear he was also King of Scotland. The stone was tucked away under an 725 year-old wooden high-backed and undoubtedly uncomfortable “Coronation Chair.”

Scone Abbey, coronation site for early Scottish Kings

The oblong block atop the bench above is a replica of the Stone of Scone (pronounced “skoon” in this instance), or the Stone of Destiny, depending on how dramatic you might be feeling. The real one (maybe) normally resides in Edinburgh Castle along with the Scottish Crown Jewels which is kind of hilarious because it’s just a block of old red sandstone. It is, however, a block of sandstone that has led the most interesting life of any other existing sandstone in the history of the world. It’s literally the symbol of Scottish sovereignty.

In this very spot, the Abbey at Scone Palace (it’s since been rebuilt), the stone witnessed the crowning of early Scottish Kings Kenneth McAlpin in 843 (!!), Constantine II in 900, Macbeth (the real one) in 1040 and David I in 1124. In 1296 the little asshole known as the Hammer of the Scots, Edward I, swiped it from Scone during the First Scottish (failed) War of Independence and built the aforementioned Coronation Chair in Westminster with the under-ass shelf for the stone upon which later monarchs of England and Scotland were crowned.

There’s a rumor, though, that wily monks at Scone Palace hid the real stone and the English troops took a substitute. Real or no, the English deigned to finally return it in 1996, seven hundred years after it was stolen, with the proviso that they could have it back whenever they crowned someone, which lately has been hardly ever.

Before the official return, though, there was an exciting unofficial one. Fabulously, in 1950 some Glasgow students nicked it RIGHT OUT OF WESTMINSTER ABBEY and took it back to Scotland, leaving it at Abroath Abbey. The thing is so heavy they dropped it at one point, breaking it in half, necessitating a hasty repair by a Scottish stonemason. One can only imagine what he thought when the stone was presented for repair. When the theft was discovered, the English government literally closed the border with Scotland for the first time in 400 years.

Here is a photo of the unlikely ringleader of the Stone of Scone thieves.

And here is the stone “safely” back in English hands.

James Wiseheart, what a name! Of course, there are also rumors that the English got a replica back, not the real one.

Now that you know everything you’ve ever wanted to know about it, here’s a photo of Scone Palace, which is quite lovely.

It’s the kind of place where the guy who runs the gift shop feeds the resident peacocks.

Also I’m not sure whether anyone realizes but the Sword in the Stone is also on the grounds.

Visiting Scone Palace was a little bit of a full circle that started last fall, when I traveled to Scotland with my pal Trish. We spent some time in Kilmartin Glen, which I would 100% recommend if you’d like to see Neolithic burial sites similar to those on Orkney, standing stones, photogenic highland cattle….

…and another, more ancient, coronation site of Scottish Kings, Dunaad Fort. The ruins are atop a hill in Kilmartin glen and we had the place to ourselves if you don’t count the (black) sheep. The fort was occupied 2,000 years ago and, as the capital city of the ancient kingdom of Dal Riata, was a royal power center of Gaelic kings in the 500s to 800s, and an international trade hub.

In the Fort’s ruins is a stone with a footprint carved into it (it’s actually a replica installed over the actual stone to protect it but I swear you would never know) and was thought to have been a part of Dal Riata’s coronation ritual whereby ancient kings knelt to declare that they were married to the land and would protect it against all enemies.

We also felt as though we were married to the land and so knelt to pledge our respective troths.

While we spent our days exploring the Glen, traveling to Oban and the Isle of Mull, visiting ruined castles, and driving up to Glencoe, we stayed at Kilmartin Castle. Built in 1550, it was restored by a fabulous couple we loved who took great care to make it look and feel like a castle inside as well as outside. Many inhabited castles in Scotland seem like a normal sort of mansion once you get inside, so I appreciated their aesthetic goals. There was a winding staircase, stone walls and floors, and I had to duck a LOT to avoid braining myself in low doorways. In short, completely brilliant.

Kilmartin Castle

Anyway, bringing us back to the present, I was very happy to arrive at the Ardlogie Guest House in Aviemore, staying in my old room, and seeing Kirstie and Kev who are as lovable, kind and crazy as ever.

Their chickens waiting at the patio doors for Kev to feed them. Thanks for the yummy breakfast eggs, ladies!!!
The lovely Aviemore train station

Unfortunately the northern Cairngorms, boasting the coldest climate in the UK, was experiencing high winds and thus the mountains were too unhospitable to climb. Kev ascends Munros on the regular and was like, no, this would be miserable, do not do it. So I saved those hikes for another time and stuck to some gorgeous glens, visited the Dalwhinnie Distillery and enjoyed a few meals at the Old Bridge Inn where you can reserve a table in the main restaurant where children are allowed or in the “lounge with dogs,” which has a fireplace. No-brainer.

Here are some snaps from Glen Tilt:

And some from a walk through a glen between Kingussie and Newtonmore, which featured that walking-across-moors vibe I love. And I did not run into one single other human.

One morning I visited the Ruthven Barracks, a gorgeous ruin of a fort that was built by George II (not personally) on a hilltop visible for miles around. He ordered that it be constructed after the failed Jacobite uprising of 1715. The soldiers stationed there were to maintain law and order in the Highlands and squelch any further unsavory Jacobite activity. In perhaps another full circle moment, after the Battle of Culloden, the remnants of the Jacobite army met there, awaiting word from Prince Charles Edward Stuart about their next move. Not knowing that the Bonnie Prince had scarpered, they finally received word that the Fat Lady had sung and they should go home.

Here are a few photos.

The stables

I also booked a tour and tasting at Dalwhinnie Distillery, which is perched on a moor in the Grampian Mountains in Cairngorm National Park – in the middle of nowhere but also entirely visible from the A9. I wanted to visit as this was the first whisky I had ever ordered in a restaurant. I was just beginning to learn about the golden liquid at the time, so I asked the waiter to make a recommendation for a drinkable, smooth and gentle dram. It was my birthday dinner in Bend at one of our finest restaurants and my parents were in town to help celebrate (my Mom and I share a birthday), so Dad had to pay an exorbitant price, which I know he heartily disapproved of but he managed to hold his tongue. Now that he is gone, it seemed like a yet another full circle thing to do.

Compared to other distillery tours I’ve done, this one was pretty performative and corporate. Dalwhinnie is owned by London-based mega-company Diagio, there was a huge visitor center and shop that can accommodate loads of bus tourists – and much of the whisky-making process is no longer done on-site. For example, unlike earlier in its history, they now get their barley already sprouted and dried from elsewhere in Scotland. Interestingly, all Diagio distilleries in Scotland (there are 28 out of 140’ish) store barrels all around the country at other distilleries to hedge against fires – which are not as isolated or rare instances as one might assume. In fact the Dalwhinnie distillery burned down in 1934 and it was more than 100 years until they were in production again. All that alcohol and everything. Boom.

And speaking of the climate in the Cairngorms (Dalwhinnie holds the distinction of being the highest in Scotland, elevation-wise), there’s a tree on the grounds that has been impacted by the wind over time thusly:

The wind is NOT blowing in this photo.
Our very animated tour guide, a Scot who told a lot of extraneous personal stories that sometimes were interesting.

And I’ll leave you in the Cairngorms at the Old Bridge Inn. I first visited five years ago, along with a guide who was squiring me to all the sights in the area. We had lunch there, but I wasn’t really clocking where we were, as we drove around quite a bit and it was my first time in the country. So when I walked in last May, upon Kirsty and Kev’s recommendation, it was like having a happy encounter with an unexpected friend. Oh it’s YOU!!! The place is a true community gathering zone filled with locals, and there’s a stand-up only bar ringing with jovial hilarity that can get quite loud in the best possible way. There is often live music outside, too. I just love it.

As I bid a fond farewell to Kirsty and Kev, I remembered another very different sort of couple who run a bed and breakfast of a particular sort near Glasgow. Trish and I stayed with them for one night last year. They are a legit Lord and Lady who possibly have come on hard times as it must be challenging and crazy expensive to run an olden times estate these days. They let out two of their bedrooms and also hold an outdoor rock festival on their grounds every summer. I feel sure they hate every minute of both things.

Their home is still quite beautiful although if you look too closely, you see a little fringe around the edges, a little dog-gnawing damage perhaps. The original shabby chic vibe.

They have several dogs, one of which is a Jack Russell who stole Trish’s glasses from her upstairs bedroom and carried them downstairs, placing them carefully on the worn Oriental rug in front of the wood stove. We were kind of afraid to mention this suspected theft to the Lord and Lady. Luckily, I had taken a random photo of the dogs downstairs and we spotted Trish’s glasses in the photo, blending perfectly into the oriental carpet, and were able to retrieve them without incident and, most importantly, without casting aspersions on their dog.

The sweet little glasses-stealing culprit.

That evening we joined the Lord and Lady for drinks before dinner, where I spotted an invitation on their mantle from the Queen to join her at Holyrood Palace in Edinburgh for a garden party. I mentioned it to our hosts, and the Lady said she couldn’t recall what it was exactly, but that they had other plans for that evening.

We met them for dinner in the huge dining room. They appeared, wheeling a serving trolley into the room and serving up what was a very nice dinner and we engaged in a lovely if somewhat stilted conversation. It was a little bit like Downton Abbey in the Upside Down. And they really were charming, the Lord was very very sweet and kind, the Lady a little more prickly, tending to snappily over-correct the Lord who remained pretty jovial in spite of it.

The rooms we saw in the house were generally quite lovely, although we wondered if much of the place had been closed off, as they only seemed to use a few. We continued to wonder whether they truly enjoyed having random guests in their home and so endeavored to be as low maintenance and well-behaved as possible, although I’m sure we used the wrong fork and committed other dreadful etiquette faux pas.

They bid us farewell the following morning and we took our leave. I will never forget this experience and again – travel is the best.

So back to the present, on the way to Glencoe, I stopped in the pouring rain at a nature reserve called Creag Meagaidh (roughly pronounced Creg Meggie). It’s one of Scotland’s many rewilding efforts, and includes a simply gorgeous hike up through planted trees, ferns and other foliage, up into another moors situation along a river with stunning views and as usual all the weathers, before finally dropping down to a gorgeous hidden lochan rimmed with dramatic cliffs. Had the place to myself (I know I keep saying that – I do really like people but not, like “people” if you know what I mean) and would highly recommend!

This being Scotland, of course there were coos.

And now we are off to Glencoe.

This glen is one of my very favorite spots in Scotland. It’s objectively wild and spectacular to be sure, and so attracts loads of visitors. Most of them pull off and snap photos and don’t step foot on the trails. Even though this is annoying, there’s something about the place that is more than its beauty – and overcomes the touristas. Scotland magic is strong here and not to be weird but I feel a physical reaction when I’m here. It has a deep and bloody history which I swear I won’t go into (google the Massacre of Glencoe because it is something), and some of the best and most dramatic hiking in the world. The iconic West Highland Way runs through, along with famous climbs, the most famous of them all being the Buachaillie Etive Mor, which is also the most photographed mountain in the UK, although not sure how we know this. The UK’s highest peak, Ben Nevis, is just one valley over.

The mountains are steep, dramatic, green and gaspingly spectacular. The weather is often sketchy so they can also be moody, looming and dangerous. Mountain rescue is busy, and recently three folks fell from a ridge in the glen, one of the most narrow in the UK . They had an experienced guide, but the weather was foggy and slippery.

I have made my way to Glencoe on every trip I’ve taken.

One of my favorite walks is along the River Coupal which cuts through the valley between Glencoe’s two mighty ridges, the Buachaille Etive Mor and the Buachaille Etive Beag. It looks wildly different every time.

Last May it was bright and sunshiny and green.

Last September it was misty, moody, and red deer bugled across the glen at one another.

My friend Trish and I had a crazy experience on this one. Trish was walking ahead of me when suddenly she turned around and said something about a Highlander approaching us. I peeked around her and swear to God saw a man approaching in full Highland dress, including a kilt and a sword. We both totally saw it. And then – as he got closer he turned into a hiking dude with a jacket tied around his waist. But we know what we saw.

Raising a flask to the mystical Highlander
This year – not too terrible but it had been raining like mad and so rivers and streams were in spate
Made it further down the trail but finally came to a stream that was a no-go.
And yet…..

Road to Nowhere, General Wade’s Military Roads (Damn Those Jacobites) and Rainbows

For ages I’ve wanted to drive down the so-called “Road to Nowhere,” a twelve mile single track road with crumbly edges which heads south off the A82, the scenic road traversing Glencoe west to Fort William, taking a hard right turn and heading east toward Inverness. (Scottish roads do not head in just one direction.) The RTN runs along Glen Etive, following the River Etive and perhaps not surprisingly comes to an abrupt end at Loch Etive.

Hollywood-wise, Glen Etive is probably most well-known for starring in Skyfall, the 2012 James Bond movie. Many scenes were shot here, although the fabulous lodge in the film is elsewhere if not entirely CGI.

Daniel Craig (incredibly well-tailored suit my man) and Dame Judi Dench (legendary goddess) taking in the view. This location is literally marked on Google Maps as “James Bond Skyfall Road” which has resulted in ten billion instagram photos of people in this spot and stance, and an unfortunate litter problem, at least for a while, according to The Guardian. Nappies, really people?

I hit the RTN early and so the glen, river and loch were mine all mine, except for my first red deer encounter of the trip and the inevitable professional photographer. He was setting up a tripod on the loch shore and settling in for the day due to Scotland’s constantly shifting light and weather conditions. (You could shoot a photo each minute and no two would look the same.)

Before we go, it would be an oversight not to mention that Loch Etive starred in its own film as one of the (many) spots Harry, Ron and Hermione camped in Deathly Hallows Part 1 while they were looking for horcruxes. This looking for horcruxes business went on for quite some time but luckily the scenery was amazing every time they disapparated because Scotland.

Since the rather relentless rain made a mincemeat out of my hiking plans due to rivers being in spate and conditions being too muddy and slippery for any sort of ascent, I decided to explore part way up a couple of iconic trails. Just to do a little recon.

One is the Devil’s Staircase, part of the West Highland Way and not as scary as it sounds. It’s an uphill jaunt up and over a ridge into Kinlochleven, a town in the neighboring glen.

Here it might be interesting to talk a little bit about a dude named General Wade and why he was directed by King George I to build about 250 miles of road and 40 bridges throughout the Highlands in the early eighteenth century. Of course, the answer is, why, the Jacobites of course. There were three risings before the ’45, and the English were forever trying to clamp down on that untidy situation and sought to figure out how best to deploy troops quickly in the event of the next inevitable uprising. The roads were meant to be 16 feet wide, although at many points they were narrower and were constructed of layers of progressively smaller stones covered with a layer of gravel. They connected military forts or barracks, including Fort William, Fort Augustus, Inverness and the Ruthven Barracks that we discussed earlier. The forts were often built or upgraded by Wade.

The roads were constructed by hundreds of soldiers, fondly dubbed “highwaymen” by Wade. They were beset by a plethora of obstacles – terrain, weather, Highlanders and midges.  This extremely tough duty necessitated many many drams and pints, and so camps were established every ten miles, known as “kingshouses” as they were along the king’s highway. The Kinghouse Hotel in Glencoe, my humble lodging, still retains this name.

Many of the bridges he constructed still exist today, including the Garva Bridge over the River Spey, Wade’s Bridge at Aberfeldy (which still carries traffic), Highbridge at Spean and Wade’s Bridge at Etteridge.

Wade’s Bridge at Aberfeldy – still in use after all these years.
General Wade himself. Honestly portraiture during this period didn’t do men any favors.

Irony being what it is, by the time the ’45 came around the roads probably served Jacobite troops better than government troops. That’s the impartiality of roads for you. Tragically, this final attempt was decisively crushed at Culloden and subsequent attempts to eliminate Highland culture . Afterwards, in addition to the roads helping the Hanoverians continue to exert control over Scotland, they also opened up routes for trade, travel and tourism. While miles of the military roads were abandoned over time, many were incorporated into the country’s civilian road network. It’s pretty remarkable that by and large General Wade’s military roads were the first major system built since the Romans.

As an aside, General Wade is the only person mentioned by name in an obscure verse of the British National Anthem and was also responsible for raising a Highland militia called the Highland Watches. The militia morphed into the Black Watch Regiment and this became the genesis of the British army’s crack highland regiments that continues today.

So the Devil’s Staircase was given its name by some of General Wade’s highwaymen who were charged with lugging stones and equipment up that hill path to turn it into a paved military road. Those who decided to stay for a dram at a pub in Kinlochleven and then stagger back over the ridge to Glencoe had a sketchy time of it apparently, more due to wobbly legs and impaired judgment rather than the path itself. And with the old saying about the devil coming to claim his own – the route was thusly named.

There you have it. And so we next cross the A82 to the start of another iconic Glencoe walk, the trail up the Buachaille Etive Mor. Before the ascent begins in earnest, you cross a bridge and stroll past the much-photographed “wee white house,” officially Lagangarbh Hut, now owned by the National Trust of Scotland. The trail runs close alongside the house and then stretches into the distance, aimed directly at the very same mountain I can see from my hotel balcony. My mountain, everyone’s mountain, that mountain. Another day perhaps. When it isn’t dumping buckets.

And so my last full day in Glencoe drew to a close. As excited as I was to embark on my Wilderness Scotland trip, I’m always sort of gutted to leave this place. And before I tell you the final thing – I will offer a preface admitting that there is literally almost always a rainbow situation happening in Scotland. And yet I still think it’s meaningful magic and you can’t convince me otherwise.

Last time I was here with my pal Trish, a rainbow opened up an archway for our exit. Also one of the things best friends do is take your photo while you are walking under a rainbow.

On this trip, as I was packing to leave, I glanced out my window to see this:

It does cushion the blow.

Over the Sea To Skye and Across the Minch to the Outer Hebrides – Wilderness Scotland

When Storm Agnes hits the UK and you hike the Quiraing anyhoo.

This was my first trip with Wilderness Scotland, a UK travel company based in Aviemore. They do a bazillion active trips all over Scotland (there’s also a Wilderness Ireland and Wilderness England) generally with one guide and group of eight guests. My conclusion is that it’s an awesome company and 10/10 would recommend.

I booked a trip focused on the Outer Hebrides with a couple of days in Skye. Everyone met at the Inverness train station, and I was pleasantly surprised to see that our group was all women. Two friends from Alaska, a mother and daughter from Canada, and a mother, daughter and aunt from Vermont and Arizona. Our guide was Liam, originally from Glasgow and now living in Ft. William. After a round of introductions, we hopped in an unmarked black van (Wilderness Scotland isn’t into excessive branding) and headed west toward Skye. The weather was complete dreich and Liam was worried our planned walk on Skye could be a miserable blend of inhospitable conditions (he wasn’t wrong). He opted for an interim stop for coffee and a lovely, more sheltered walk on the mainland at Dundreggan Rewilding Centre, one of the many, many rewilding efforts taking place across Scotland and indeed the entire UK.

Contemplative bench at Dundreggan.

The stop was a perfect way to loosen up and begin the process of getting to know one another. Sufficiently caffeinated, we continued on toward Skye, driving down beautiful Glen Shiel (where Liam told us about the Battle of Glen Shiel during the 1719 Jacobite Rising which was attended by the freaking Spanish Armada) and stopping briefly at the unavoidable Eilean Donan Castle. I probably made enough snarky comments about this tourist honeypot in my last blog but in fairness it is gorgeous and so here’s the equally unavoidable photograph.

So this van was in the parking lot. And seriously so many style points for the protective tinfoil, the Queen incongruously smiling from the window and the stenciled flamingo. Unfortunately I don’t know where its hubcaps are, any inside information about the Endtime or why Eilean Donan Castle would be of any possible interest.

Having ticked that box, we set off over the gorgeous Skye Bridge to Glen Sligichan, where there’s a long trail down the glen between the Black Cuillin and the Red Cuillin, two very different mountain ranges a stone’s throw from one another. The Red Cuillin is composed of reddish-tinged granite, which is less resistant to glacial activity and so its hills are quite rounded and friendly-looking whereas the Black Cuillin (composed of basalt and gabbro) features the highest peaks on Skye and has a forbidding rocky, jagged profile with all the Mordor vibes. Considered to be the most challenging and spectacular range in Britain, twelve of Skye’s Munros are here, and it’s the location of the famous “Inaccessible Pinnacle,” known locally as the “In Pinn” (because, as Liam explained, Scots aren’t that interested in articulating a bunch of unnecessary syllables). And it’s not entirely inaccessible because of course it’s a top mountain-climbing goal for those who partake but it’s definitely a technical climb and looks completely yikes.

The history of these hills began a mere 61 million years ago with volcanic activity during the initial opening stages of the North Atlantic. As North America and Europe ripped apart (!!) large volumes of basalt lava erupted from long narrow fissures on what is now Scotland’s west coast. As time went on, this volcanic activity became focused at several specific locations, creating large, central volcanoes, and ultimately the Cuillin ranges.

Framing the entrance to the glen is the iconic Sligichan Bridge, built in the early 1800s. The story goes that if you dip your face in the chilly waters of the Sligichan river, you will enjoy eternal youth. I cannot tell you whether this is true because I most assuredly did not do it. I also most assuredly did not take the photo below – a gorgeous shot of Sligichan Bridge flanked by the Red Cuillin on the left and the Black Cuillin on the right.

Just beyond the bridge is a recently commissioned and installed bronze sculpture, all thanks to the fundraising efforts of a local historical society. The sculpture pays tribute to two renowned mountaineers, Norman Collie and John Mackenzie. John, born in 1856, grew up in a nearby crofting village and started climbing the Cuillin at the age of 10. He became the first native-born Scot to be a professional mountaineering guide. He met Professor Collie, an internationally renowned scientist and mountain expert, and they formed a friendship that endured for half a century.

Collie and Mackenzie, gazing toward the Black Cuillin.


Back to our planned stroll down the glen, Liam’s weather concerns were valid – it was spitting rain, foggy and windy but as always in Scotland, who cares. And on that topic a quick sidebar – Scots have a lot of fun words for bad weather and you can peruse a sampling here: https://www.scotsman.com/whats-on/arts-and-entertainment/15-words-which-can-only-be-used-to-describe-scottish-weather-1478371

We walked into the mist for about a mile or so and even though the Black Cuillin were shrouded, the views were stunningly beautiful. Before we turned around, Liam told us the geological origin story of the glen, and then the inevitable folktale about how things REALLY happened which involved a romantic misunderstanding, anger and revenge, culminating in the sun throwing her spear into the ground etcetera. The trail winds south through the Cuillin all the way to the west coast of Skye and it’s on my bucket list. Not today, though. Not today.

As we were leaving the glen, the top of the Black Cuillin ridge teased us with a shy momentary appearance:

Hooded crows hanging out in the parking lot.

After a lovely evening at the Uig Hotel perched over Uig Bay and the ferry that would take us over the Minch, the next day dawned wet and rainy as Storm Agnes bore down on the UK. Our plan was to hike the Quiraing and so we braved the elements swathed in our waterproofs and enjoyed the lack of crowds. I did this walk last spring in basically the same conditions and Liam expressed some concern about my interest in doing it again which I thought was sweet but bonkers, I mean have you SEEN this place Liam? I’d do it every morning if I lived nearby.

I’ll just share a few photos of the otherworldly Quiraing below.

As we approached the top of the walk, a young couple happily walked by who randomly happened to be from Oregon so we had a funny shouted conversation about being from Portland and Bend and what a small world.

During a rainy snack break near an extremely picturesque stone wall, we had another story from Liam, this time about the Bonnie Prince’s escape from Scotland after Culloden, featuring Flora MacDonald, whose grave is nearby (see my post from last spring’s trip).

And at last, I found the lone tree that is very very famous on Instagram.

As Storm Agnes slowly moved across the country, I was stunned to see photos posted by Kev and Kirsty of their lovely backyard, usually filled with birds and deer. Yikes. They downplayed the situation, characterizing it as a “wee update,” and they did not have to turn away any guests, but geez. Wilderness Scotland is based in Aviemore, and Liam assured me that this happens more often than one might wish and it is all actually fine.

After the Quiraing, we stopped at a very lovely and fancy hotel called the Flodigarry Inn. Amazingly, they didn’t mind that we brought in food from the outside, sat in their lobby and ordered coffees.  We were soaking wet and left pools of water everywhere.  Nobody said, “You can’t bring that food in here unless you are a hotel guest.” Very kind and civilized.

We ended the day with a circular walk around Portree, the largest town and capital of Skye. 

Conde Nast travel named Portree one of the twenty most beautiful towns in the UK and Ireland.  As with everywhere it seems, it’s been inhabited probably since Mesolithic times. In the 1700s, Portree was a popular point of departure for Scots sailing to America to escape poverty. And in 1946, The Royal Hotel, the site of MacNab’s Inn, was the last meeting place of Flora MacDonald and the Bonnie Prince after Culloden. 

In Agnes’s wake, the next day’s weather actually looked pretty stunning, involving the sun and everything, which was excellent timing for our early afternoon crossing to the Outer Hebrides.

We took advantage of the beautiful morning to drive to the northernmost tip of the Trotternish peninsula for a lovely coastal walk called Rubha Hunish. The trail featured gorgeous views across to the Outer Hebrides, a Coast Guard lookout on a cliff which is now a bothy refuge for hikers, the ruins of Duntulm Castle and the remains of Erisco, a clearance village, which is this day ironically filled with grazing sheep, perhaps descended from the original sheep that displaced the less remunerative crofters who were shipped off to North America and Australia in the years after Culloden.

Beautiful morning light to welcome us to the walk.
Duntulm Castle

A wonderful way to bid farewell to Skye – before sailing over the Minch to Harris and Lewis. I know I keep mentioning the crossing -the thing is I passionately love ferries and so become inordinately excited about the prospect of boarding one and sailing away.

After a delightful crossing (enough already!), we disembarked in Tarbert, the largest town on Harris. I should mention that the Isle of Harris and the Isle of Lewis are actually a single island, the main island of the Outer Hebrides. The northern 2/3 is Lewis, the southern 1/3 is Harris, and there are many cultural and linguistic differences between the two. Also, Harris is quite mountainous, boasting 30 peaks, whereas Lewis is much flatter.

Our first order of business was visiting one of the many, many beaches on Harris, Luskentyre Beach. On the short drive from the ferry, we were awestruck by the island’s striking, otherworldly geography. I’ve never seen anything like it. Very hilly, lots of water and exposed bedrock everywhere.

And in fact the geology of the Outer Hebrides is quite unique. The most remarkable rock found there is 300 million year old Lewisian gneiss, which some of the oldest rock in the world. On South Harris, where we were, it is mostly anorthosite, which is similar in composition to rocks found on the freaking moon.

The unfortunate thing is that this bedrock prevents electrical wires and cables from being buried so telephone poles dot this sparse and gorgeous landscape which is slightly jarring. People need power I guess. Also the bedrock is so exposed and the soil so sparse on the east side of Harris that they couldn’t bury anyone there and so the dead had to be hauled over to the west side via the aptly named “Coffin Road.”

Like much of the country, especially the islands, the Outer Hebrides have a Norwegian background, and by that I mean they were invaded by Vikings in the 9th century. Once on a podcast I heard a historian describe being a Viking as more of a job description than a people which is an excellent characterization. At any rate they ended up living there for 450 years.

In 1098 Edgar, a Scottish king, officially signed the islands over to King Magnus III. In the 1200s King Alexander II tried to reverse engineer a return policy and pestered King Haakon IV of Norway to buy them back, alas to no avail.

In the face of the Vikings’ steadfast refusal, these efforts died away until King Alexander III came on the scene. Alex was hell bent on realizing his father’s dream. As with many dysfunctional father-son relationships in powerful families, when Alex made moves to fulfill his father’s legacy, it immediately resulted in armed conflict.

Alex sent a letter to Haakon saying that if he didn’t allow Scotland to buy back the islands he’d just come over there and take them back for free. In response, Haakon gathered a fleet together which ended up getting stranded at Largs (near Glasgow) and Alex took advantage of this by launching a surprise attack. The fleet scarpered all the way back to Orkney where Haakon died unexpectedly in Kirkwall.

Haakon’s successor, Magnus, frankly exhausted by the thought of starting that whole thing over again, agreed to sell the islands back to Scotland in 1266. Alex/Scotland paid 4,000 marks and agreed that Norway could keep Orkney and Shetland (for now). This marked the end of the perhaps unnecessary Scottish-Norwegian War.

As a counterbalance to this rousing tale of war, daddy issues and derring-do, I will leave you with some photos from Luskentyre Beach and a Moment of Zen video, for which you may wish to turn up the volume.

In Which We Meet the Hebridean Baker, Sample a New Whisky, Visit a Lighthouse, and Learn About Rocket Mail

I’ve been back from Scotland for way too long. Almost six weeks. Don’t get me wrong, I am fortunate to have great friends, a home I love and fulfilling work. I live in a beautiful mountainous place steeped in outdoor culture. Literally everyone is moving here (looking at you Californians). For the record, I’m extremely lucky. Even so, I feel the gentle pull of a Scottish tractor beam (sorry, reading Patrick Stewart’s delightful bio) and it feels sustaining, like a program running in the background. I’m returning in May but honestly this seems like an age away. And as it happens there’s a Scottish Gaelic word expressing this feeling exactly. There is no English translation.

The word is cianalas, something I’ve written about before. It is a deep-seated sense of belonging to the place where your roots lie, or where you feel profoundly at home. It’s a feeling that you are exactly where you need to be in the world, a feeling that runs right down to your toes and causes you to smile idiotically while hiking across a moor alone in the fog, wind and driving rain. It’s a place that dampens anxiety and worry and offers more zen than an hour of meditation. Cianalas is longing for the place you belong. At the (very high) risk of sounding impossibly cheesy and naive, there it is.

(Tonal shift warning for a brief PSA: to avoid annoying Scots, Gaelic is pronounced with a short “a” like “apple” – the perhaps more familiar pronunciation with a long “a” like “table” refers to Irish Gaelic – same roots, different language.)

So after that bit of schmaltzy waxing poetical, let’s rejoin our regularly scheduled programming and return to the Outer Hebrides, which is where the word cianalas actually originated. Our merry band of Wilderness Scotland travelers stayed at the lovely Harris Hotel in Tarbert. As Harris is the most mountainous area of the single landmass of Harris and Lewis, we planned to spend most of our hiking time there. Harris and Lewis combined are the largest island in Scotland with a population of about 21,000, and the important thing to remember is that most of them are MacLeods.

Our first day of walking featured more awesomely bad weather! We drove across a little bridge to another island southeast of Harris called Scalpay, and enjoyed a very rainy walk to Eilean Gas, one of the first four lighthouses to be built in Scotland. It looks back across the Minch toward Skye, so awesome views when it’s not all fogged in. It was built by Robert Stevenson in 1789 and became fully automated in 1978. Robert and his descendants designed and built basically all of Scotland’s lighthouses over a 150-year period. As we know, the black sheep of that family happened to be Robert Louis Stevenson, and our guide Liam shared how much he enjoyed imagining young Robert sitting off to one side, completely bored by all this tedious lighthouse whatever business, scribbling in a notebook and generally being a terrible disappointment to his family. Liam clearly saw RLS as a kindred spirit.

The grounds are pretty cool to wander about, with barracks and other associated buildings. If you happen to be there during high season, there’s even a coffee shop with views over the sea. I stared longingly through the windows at the espresso machine as a wee shot would have been just the thing on the cold wet day. “There’s an espresso machine in there, ” I told everyone, alas, to no avail.

Here’s a cool thing. We happened to be visiting on the 234th anniversary of the original lighting of the lamp.

Liam told a story that I haven’t been able to confirm and that he might have conflated with another tale of a different Hebridean lighthouse, and so I’m going to share both as they are equally creepily awesome. He explained that two families once lived at Eilean Glas and their job was to operate the lighthouse – it was very remote, no roads, and so the families had to be self-sustaining by growing their own food and so on. Apparently there were reports that the lamp hadn’t been lit for a few days, and so a crew was dispatched to investigate. They found food on the table and other signs of a sudden disappearance – and not a single family member remained, nor was anyone ever found. This got my mind spinning about writing a novel based on this unsolved mystery – I mean c’mon it’s basically an X-File and practically writes itself. So, when I got home, I did some googling.

The (rather well-known, actually) story I found involved the sudden disappearance of three men at the Eilean Mor lighthouse in the Flannen Islands about 32 miles west of Lewis. On December 26, 1900, a small ship arrived on shore, bringing a replacement lighthouse keeper, Joseph Moore. Strangely, nobody was at the landing platform to greet them, so Moore walked up the hill to the lighthouse. He noticed something was immediately sketchy as its door was unlocked and two of the three oilskin coats were missing from the entrance hall. In the kitchen Moore found half-eaten food and an overturned chair as if someone had jumped from their seat. And (whispers) the kitchen clock had stopped.

The men were never found, although there were some strange recent log entries. On December 12, Thomas Marshall, the second assistant, wrote of “severe winds the likes of which I have never seen before in twenty years.” Marshall also noted that James Ducat, the Principal Keeper, had been “very quiet” (serial killer alert!) and that the third assistant, William McArthur, a seasoned mariner and known as a “tough brawler,” had been crying. So maybe the quiet one lost his mind due to the alleged high winds and maybe the crying, killed the other two and tossed them into the ocean, and wandered off into the mist and over a cliff.

I say “alleged” because a later investigation by British authorities revealed that there were no reported storms in the area at that time. The weather was calm.

Maybe all three of them got drunk, went for a walk and took a pratfall into the sea at the same time, maybe it was a sea monster (amateur sleuths at the time really considered this), or it could have had something to do with the islands’ namesake St. Flannen. He was a 6th century Irish Bishop who later became a saint. He built a chapel on the island (the lighthouse keepers called it the “dog kennel” due to its size which possibly wasn’t great karma) and for centuries shepherds used to bring sheep to graze nearby but refused to sleep over due to reported haunty spirits.

Nobody has lived on the Flannen Islands since 1971, when the lighthouse became automated. I wonder if Moore stayed behind to operate the place or if he suffered a debilitating case of the willies and retired.

As for my plan to write a mystery, well, it’s been done and done again as far as Eilean Mor is concerned. The disappearances were included in episodes of Dr. Who, Genesis wrote an entire freaking song about it and there’s even a 2018 movie called The Vanishing with Gerard Butler.

So I might write a mystery about Liam’s story at Eilean Glas instead. A psychological thriller with lots of family drama and insanity from being trapped in a remote location with scarce resources, but also there is a sea monster and the ghost of a crazy saint and a chapel with a dog in it.

After story time at the lighthouse (Scots truly are natural storytellers), half of us headed back to the van and the rest completed the loop hike along the coast – the bog factor was off the charts which reminded Liam about that one time he had to pull a guest out of a sucking bog that was basically Scottish quicksand. We also happened upon the skeletal remains of a sheep. Don’t worry, it was all fine. As was the remarkable scenery. The red you see is water-logged sphagnum moss. More about that later.

Liam was a master at identifying plants and mushrooms along the trail, and on this hike he showed us some white spidery reindeer moss (which is actually a lichen). Pro-tip: if you ever find yourself walking for days across a frozen Norwegian tundra whilst on a secret mission to stop Hitler from gaining access to heavy water (a byproduct of fertilizer production that could be used to develop nuclear weapons), you must locate a reindeer. Of course, you need to kill the reindeer (sorry) for the meat and maybe to crawl inside the carcass for warmth, but also you can eat the reindeer moss in their stomachs as it is partially digested and thus more palatable for humans – and happens to be a vital source of vitamin C.

It is perhaps understatement to say that a mind-boggling set of circumstances had to exist to prevent Germany from developing and deploying a nuclear weapon before we did, and the seemingly innocuous hero known as reindeer moss could have been one of them.

Speaking of Nazis and nuclear weapons, I’ll just take a moment to drop a plug for Oppenheimer and this Oscar-worthy brilliant performance.

The singular Cillian Murphy

We ended our rather splendid, if water-logged day with a tour of Harris Distillery, the first (legal, ahem) distillery in Harris. It was opened and commenced production in 2015. Considering how long it takes to make and release whisky, the distillery did an excellent marketing job during what ended up being an eight-year interim period that included COVID. The BBC produced a documentary about their story, they held local and virtual ceilidhs and turned the distillery into a community gathering space. By 2017, the distillery had welcomed 144,000 visitors, including Prince Charles.

Also, like many Scottish distilleries, Harris makes a gin which provided income to hold them over since whipping up gin is a snap. While Botanist is probably the most well-known artisanal whisky-distillery crafted Scottish gin in the States, made by Bruichladdich on Islay, the behemoths, Hendrick’s, Gordon’s and Tanqueray – are also made in Scotland. The Harris gin is very, very tasty and was a smashing success from the jump. Its botanical of note is local sugar kelp seaweed (two tons collected by 2017) along with juniper, coriander, angelica root and cassia bark. It’s sold in a beautiful and distinctive ridged blue tinged bottle which won a Gold Award at the World Gin Awards in 2021 and is used as a table water bottle everywhere you look.

In yet another fun coincidence – Harris at last released its first whisky while we were there, the Hearach, which is Gaelic for a resident of Harris. And let me tell you, the entire island was utterly and completely stoked. We didn’t go anywhere the Hearach wasn’t offered up with a tinge of pride and excitement. The restaurant we had dinner on our final night, Flavour, which features just one seating, a tasting menu and an open kitchen, included the whisky in every single course and someone from the distillery was there to chat with us. The distillery has had a positive impact on the island economy, both in terms of tourism and its employment of local young people. It was created from the ground up as an integrated member of the Harris community. You love to see it, and you can definitely feel it.

The whisky is good, selling like hotcakes (I love that the first whisky release was 1,916 bottles, one for each resident of Harris), and the tour was fascinating. Every aspect of the distillery, the design, the materials, all of it – was carefully thought out and is related to Harris and its people. Many family members are involved with the company – and many women. And it’s the first distillery in my experience where they offer guests a taste of “pure spirit,” the clear liquid you see in the spirit safe – baby whisky before it’s casked and aged. Let me just say the alcohol content is hiiiigh.

Are we tired of fabulous coincidences? No? Well – as it turns out the world-renowned, gorgeous and utterly charming Hebridean Baker happened to be at the distillery that day (actually Liam rearranged our schedule to accommodate this) signing his new cookbook, his third, which hasn’t yet been released in the States. His name is Coinneach MacLeod (told you) and he had recently returned from a tour of the States and is heading out again next year. Two of my travel companions met him recently at the Grandfather Mountain Highland Games in North Carolina, and he was genuinely delighted to see them again. His cookbooks are not only filled with scrumptious recipes with a Scottish flair, but lots of stories and tales, many wonderful photographs of the Hebrides, its residents, his west highland terrier Sonnach and his partner Peter.

The following day was probably my favorite, Hebridean Baker notwithstanding, mostly because it was like a fantasy novel crossed with a Disney film, where our intrepid group were the only souls in existence – so maybe also a dash of post-apocalyptic adventure. We drove to one of the most well-known beaches on the west coast of Harris called Hùisinis, where a person could easily spend the entire day staring out to sea and pondering life’s big questions.

And we happened to run into some highland cattle on the drive there. These iconic beasts make tourists completely lose their minds. By this point I’ve seen a fair few of these lovely creatures during my travels but I will never fail to pull over when I come across a sacred Heilan Coo Gathering. In defense of tourists (which I rarely do) Liam, born and raised in Scotland, also loves them and kept remarking on their staggeringly high cuteness level. Coos are also extremely friendly and curious and seem to know they are being photographed because I swear they pose. They do not turn tail and skedaddle like sheep or other types of cattle. They must realize that they are a four-legged embodiment of Scotland and accept their lot with grace.

Yes, on an intellectual level, I know they are just cows.

And so after taking in the sands of Hùisinis our merry band of walkers headed up a cliff over the sea. We had a view of Scarp, a now uninhabited island that of course has an interesting and quirky history, this being Scotland and all. In the late 19th century the four square mile island boasted 213 residents. Fun fact, it was one of several Scottish islands where all the men gathered every morning in a so-called ‘parliament,’ to agree upon the work to be done that day. Sometimes these meetings could last several hours and this provides yet another example of why women should be in charge. The last family standing, Mr. and Mrs. Angus MacInnes and their two sons, left in 1971 on a boat. They landed at Hùisinis, their cattle swimming behind them. I like to think that they were highland cows.

Below is an undated photo of hardy Scarpians.

The remaining residents were Andrew Miller Mundy and his school friend Andrew Cox, who had moved to the island earlier that same year with his wife and baby. Several weeks after the MacInnes family left, a huge storm cut off the island and provisions ran low. Even though Scarp is only half a mile from Harris a storm can whip through that strait like nobody’s business, rendering it unnavigable due to swell and current. Mundy, in London at the time, sent a helicopter to rescue his girlfriend (romantic), a model who he later married (also romantic). And thus Scarp became a deserted island.

A handful of picturesque holiday homes remain that you’ll see in a minute, keeping in mind that they are only accessible via sea kayak. The island is owned by American musicologist Andrew Burr Bakewell, the founder of Harris Distillery. And I should see if he’s single.

I found a recent expired listing for a home on Scarp called The Primrose Cottage. A few tidbits: “There is no doubt the property requires significant upgrading,” and “we understand” the building had a new roof installed six years ago. There’s no septic, spring water is “available year-round” (bonus) and electricity is provided by a generator, although thankfully there is internet so what more do you need. The listing ends with “Brace yourself, Scarp is not for the faint-hearted.” There’s a restriction against using the property for “tourism/holidaymakers.” The realtors were accepting offers over £100,000. I wonder if it sold.

Liam also told us about another singular event for which Scarp is reknowned. In 1934 it became the setting of an exciting, if dubious, trial of the Western Isles Rocket Post (I swear). German scientist Gerhard Zucker, apparently filled with a desire to “bring the world together” via a postal-delivery system tried to send a literal rocket packed with 4,000 letters (some addressed to the King) over to Harris.

The mission failed with a dull explosion and a puff of smoke with smoldering letters scattered everywhere.

The day the rocket was launched, 28 July 1934, became known as Latha na Rocait. There’s a film about the whole affair named The Rocket Post that won the grand prize at the Stony Brook Film Festival. A play by the same name was produced in 2017 by the National Theatre of Scotland. The publicity materials state that it’s “part-play, part-gig and part-hoedown,” and is “full of humour, heart and hope for the future, it’s a tale of miscommunication, vaulting ambition and the joyous discoveries that can happen when everything goes wrong.” Indeed.

So what ever happened to Gerhard? Online sources suggest that he was deported back to Germany for postal fraud which is sort of hilarious, only to be detained by the German government for having cooperated with the British, which is more on the perilous side. Apparently Gerhard had pitched his rocket mail idea to the Germans before his Hebridean experiment. He joined the Luftwaffe, was badly wounded in 1944, and ended up working as a furniture dealer in West Germany and thus his wish to bring the world together ultimately fizzled out just like his rocket.

The Strait of Scarp, or Caolas an Scarp
Magic mushroom
Sheepie butts

So, after our beautiful cliffside walk, we dropped down to another impossibly white beach, Tràigh Mheilein, only accessible via this walk. Spectacularly beautiful, deserted, and seemingly stretching on into forever. Gorgeous multi-colored rounded stones were everywhere, evidence of the complicated geographical history of the island. The weather changed approximately five million times as we meandered down the beach. Rain pants off, rain pants on, sand everywhere. Rainbows, dark clouds, blue sky, wind, no wind. The beach was framed by the Strait of Scarp with distant Atlantic views on one side and green rocky hills on the other. The water constantly changed color and character along with the weather. A few quintessentially Hebridean houses sat like lonely sentinels across the water on Scarp.

After a hasty picnic lunch in a sheltered area behind some rocks, we turned away from the water and climbed up onto a ledge where a huge expanse of bright green stretched out before us. It was like stepping through a portal into another world. There was no trail per se, we just traversed its expanse like we were in the Sound of freaking Music, only with the ocean behind us and below and mountains and lochs ahead. Each of us exclaimed something along the lines of holy crap how is this a place that exists. The well-traveled Liam shared that it was his favorite spot, maybe in the world.

Could only convince one of our crew to do the traditional model pose with me.
Liam in his favorite place.

We walked along this loch, marveling at the lonely white house on the other side (a deer stalking cottage leased by a nearby estate) when suddenly a green field studded with white rocks opened before us – and hundreds of bunnies scampered in a flurry, disappearing down into their warrens. It was – ridiculously magical. Of course I couldn’t snap a photo in time, but they were just here:

We walked a bit farther and then spotted a huge herd of red deer up on the ridge – and they kept a steady eye on us as we climbed up toward them, finally dispersing as we grew too close.

The views back over the loch and bunnyville were fab.

As we crested the ridge and headed back to the sea a juvenile sea eagle soared overhead, tracing giant, graceful circles in the sky. While commonly referred to sea eagles, they are officially called white tailed eagles. They boast a seven foot wing span and are the largest bird of prey in UK. They almost became extinct in early 20th century, mostly due to death-by-landowner. These were wealthy owners of vast estates who were protecting their game birds, which they keep stocked for shooting parties of hunter types who have paid massive sums for the experience. I mean seriously this is not at all vital or even interesting and why is this even a debate. Anyway thanks to modern conservation efforts and breeding programs in Scotland and England, the sea eagles have been making a comeback. Unfortunately they remain endangered as gamekeepers who work on these aforementioned estates are still poisoning them. In response, the Scottish government has pulled shooting licenses in the hope that this would reduce these crimes. Unfortunately cases are hard to prove unless one finds the bird and runs a tox screen within a certain period of time and can pinpoint the culprits. Surely, the majestic sea eagles must prevail over such waste and stupidity.

A few snaps from our walk down the ridge:

We had a lovely afternoon tea on Hùisinis beach before hopping back in the van. As we drove away we passed the coos again and Liam obligingly stopped in the middle of the road so we could bid them a fond adieu. One of them walked over to my window in greeting, politely requesting a head scratch, which I gladly obliged. His/her horns banged against the side of the van, so apologies to Wilderness Scotland.

We finished our day by hiking down Glen Meavaig, a wildlife refuge featuring the North Harris Eagle Observatory, built to provide a sheltered spot for viewing a resident nesting pair of golden eagles. Sadly we did not see them. Apparently the Universe felt that we had seen enough magical creatures for one day.

I’ll leave you with a very cool fact about North Harris. It was purchased by the community in 2003, and its 25,900 acres make up one of the largest community owned estates in Scotland. The North Harris Trust, which manages the land on behalf of the community, has an open membership to all residents and is run by a board of locally elected volunteer directors. Very cool.

The Last Post: Peat, Standing Stones, Snow, Whisky and Back to Skye

Callanais Stones, Isle of Lewis

Our last full day in the Outer Hebrides dawned with a bittersweet tinge. Wind-swept, isolated and bewitching Harris had started to seep into my bones and I felt strangely reluctant to leave. We had one more walk before us, followed by a drive down the Golden Road and a fancy farewell dinner.

We headed to the southwestern corner of Harris, our destination an uninhabited peninsula connected to the rest of the island via a sandy machair in between two bays. A machair (pronounced “mach’ – like loch – er”) is fertile, well-drained grassland found in Scotland and Ireland which is formed by sand being blown over peat. It creates a unique habitat with diverse bird life and blankets of meadow flowers in early summer. However, with winter approaching, the flowers and birdies were long gone.

A double rainbow arched over the road on our drive there.

We parked the van next to a charming and quirky cafe snuggled in the middle of nowhere called Temple Harris, featuring a spectacular array of pastries and killer views over a sandy bay ringed with hills. We strolled down a road toward the westernmost summit of Harris and our climb of the day, Ceopabhal (pronounced Chaipaval – p.s., sorry for all these pronunciation tips but I want you to be the hit of your next cocktail party).

We walked across the machair in capriciously changing weather and made our way through a herd of colorful shaggy cows that appeared to be Highland Cattle/Belted Galloway crosses, which I am totally here for. Fighting our way through a sudden gusty squall, we crested a hill and Traig na Cleavag magically came into view, yet another pristine and deserted Harris beach. This one was guarded by an ancient sentinel – a ruined medieval chapel known as Rubh’ an Teampaill aka Northton Temple. It was built on the site where an Iron Age broch once stood, on land which has been continuously occupied since the Mesolithic era (as this particular era often comes up at cocktail parties, along with Gaelic pronunciation opportunities, a wee reminder this was 10,000 to 8,000 BCE, so very much olden times, or dare I say, days of yore).

Ceopabhal loomed over us for the entirety of our walk, and I eyed the hill with a slight amount of trepidation, mostly because I made the mistake of reading about it in advance on the Walkhighlands website (the bible of Scottish hillwalking).

The climb featured a 1,200 foot elevation gain over 6/10 of a mile. This is indisputably a bit on the steepish side, in fact Walkhighlands mentioned in passing that a “great amount of effort” was necessary to reach its summit. Also Liam made us stop and eat a protein bar just before the steep bit for “fortification.” Yikes. So once again the ascent was trail-free – we just zig-zagged our way up through clumps of heather. My main pro tip would be to make sure you lean forward into the hill. At least it was so rainy and windy that trying not to get blown off the trail to our deaths (only slightly exaggerating) served as an excellent distraction from the aggressive angle of the climb.

At the summit (yay!), the views were 360 degrees (largely into fantastic storms, but you could see the mountains of Skye). The wind had truly become a biblical sort of tempest, known in these parts as “blowing a hoolie,” although I did valiantly manage a few snaps and a cairn photo.

We walked to the lee side of the hill, mercifully sheltered from the hoolie, and sat in some soft comfy moss to enjoy a picnic looking out over a gorgeous bay.

The fine folks at Walkhighlands.com recommended retracing one’s steps back down the hill. My knees were entirely dreading this prospect because going up a steep slope is one thing, going down (while being blown about by a hoolie) is an entirely different situation. This advice was based on their view that walking down the hill on its lee side would take one through “deep heather” and thus should be avoided. Mercifully, Liam had other ideas.  We indeed took the more gradual route toward the bay, winding our way through heather and floating across fluffy, deep mounds of sweet, sweet sphagnum moss. Let me tell you it was delightful. Imagine traipsing down a hill on living, breathing sponges of memory foam. That’s what it was like. I put my hiking sticks away.

Speaking of moss, you can’t go to Scotland without considering peat. No seriously. Peat is formed from plant material throughout the ages that does not fully decompose, and sphagnum moss is one of its main ingredients.  Peatlands cover about 20% of Scotland and yet 80% has been degraded over time. It has been hacked away and drained since the 1800s to make room for agriculture. For centuries it has also been cut, dried, and used in fireplaces for heating homes. It still is. 

Peat harvesting on Harris.

Peatlands are among the most carbon-rich ecosystems on Earth and have a net cooling effect on climate.  Healthy peatlands can also reduce flood risk by slowing the flow of water from the uplands. If you hold a small handful of sphagnum moss and give it a squeeze, enough water will run out to fill a juice glass. Without peat, one is left with completely nonabsorbent bedrock which isn’t great in a country where it is usually raining. Peatlands also promote biodiversity by providing vital habitat for birds, insects and plants. Peat bogs are sometimes referred to as the rainforests of the UK.

A few more cool things about peat. You may have seen an episode of the BBC mystery Shetland where a decades-old body was found perfectly preserved in a peat bog and wondered why.  (Fun fact: There have been only two murders in Shetland over the last 50 years, rather than the 1-2 murders per week as depicted in the show. This aside provides an excuse for a Douglas Henshall call out for a lot of reasons).

Doug Henshall as Jimmy Perez in Shetland.

The explanation for peat’s ability to preserve (ahem) organic matter is this. As a bog grows, and new peat replaces old peat, the older material underneath rots and releases humic acid, also known as bog acid, with pH levels similar to vinegar. Not to put too fine a point on it, but bog acid preserves human bodies in the same way fruit is preserved by pickling. And of course not just humans – a wooly mammoth was once discovered buried in peat that still had its fur and food in its mouth.

Peat also creates and stores iodine. The iodine causes sphagnum moss to look very yellow and even red when it’s waterlogged. This is why many Scottish rivers appear golden in color – it’s not tea, or (sadly) whisky – it’s iodine-laced runoff.  Also, iodine’s antiseptic properties mean that sphagnum moss acts as a water filtration system so in a pinch you can use water squeezed from moss for hydration – and even more interesting, it was used to pack wounds during wartime since it’s both sterile and absorbent.

Most crucially from a climate change perspective, Scotland’s peatlands store 16 million tonnes of carbon (one tonne is 9% larger than a metric ton) and possibly shouldn’t be released into the atmosphere at this particular juncture. Draining water away from peat bogs to support agriculture causes the peat to dry, resulting in the vegetation decomposing much faster – and the release of carbon. Similarly, burning peat has the potential to release hundreds of years of stored carbon back into the atmosphere. Ultimately it’s quite beneficial to have large land masses that actually capture and store carbon.

I know what you are thinking – what about (gulp) whisky? Much of Scotland’s whisky is made from sprouted barley that has been dried by peat fire. It imparts a lovely campfire vibe to the golden liquid which causes people to either fall in love or cough with watering eyes and an alarmed expression. An iconic flavor either way, especially with Islay whiskies. As it turns out, whisky accounts for only about 1% of the UK’s peat use and as you can imagine defending the cultural significance of Scotland’s whisky-making tradition has been the central pillar of the industry’s case during the government’s development of its peat policy. Distilleries have pledged to make peat use more sustainable, although given its glacial pace of regeneration (1mm a year) this is a matter of debate. Distilleries are also experimenting with using different botanicals to light on fire for barley drying. Glenmorangie has just released a “Taste of the Forest” expression where they used pine, juniper, woodland moss and eucalyptus as fuel.

The good news is that peatland restoration and preservation is very very big in the UK and heroic efforts are underway to preserve and increase the resource – with some measurable success.  So fingers crossed.

Thank you for coming to my Ted Talk.

So let’s rejoin our merry band of descending walkers as they bounce down Ceopabhal on cushions of sphagnum moss. Before I share a few photos, after hearing all this peat talk from Liam we were sensitive about trodding on this precious resource, but he assured us that it quite literally bounces right back due to its buoyant density. Phew.

Upon our triumphant return to the van, we snagged a coffee and pastry (and a wee bit of shopping) at Temple Harris.  Everyone leaves their packs outside on the wooden bench without worry of misadventure.

Duly fortified, we struck off down the Golden Road, a spectacularly winding single track route along Harris’s rocky east coast. It’s widely assumed it got its name due to its eye-wateringly spendy construction cost.   After Liam cheerfully told us that if anyone was going to barf in the van, this would likely be the time, he offered distraction from the terrifying prospect of public motion sickness by launching into storytelling mode. He regaled us with mystical tales of dubious provenance featuring two dangerous and wily Scottish creatures.

First on the agenda – kelpies. Typically residing in and lurking about black lochs, they take the form of a horse, appearing to unwary humans as being a helpful sort of creature. They entice travelers to ride them over the loch, seemingly a more expeditious route than walking around them. It’s a trap! Once a person mounts the horse, it gallops to the deepest end of the loch, dragging its hapless rider below the water to their death and, ultimately, consumption (yikes). This legend was used to keep children away from lochs and also provided therapy fodder for later in life.

You may have seen this gorgeous sculpture by Andy Scott. The Kelpies were installed in 2013 near Falkirk and are a ginormous 98 feet high. It’s beautifully lit at night, and even if you don’t have time to stop, the giant kelpies loom over the M9 between Edinburgh and Stirling.

Next we turned to tales of the more benign selkies. They are also water-dwelling shapeshifters, but transform between seal and human by shedding and replacing their skin. As humans, selkies are incredibly attractive, graceful, kind natured and (avert your eyes) seductive, and so humans tend to fall desperately in love with them.  Selkies have also been tricked into marrying humans, usually by a nefarious person who steals and hides their seal skin, preventing them from returning to the sea. Not cool. Selkies are known for their benevolence, saving the lives of children or fishermen who have fallen into the sea.

There you have it. Keep up your guard if you visit Scotland – as these mythical beings pose more danger than any other resident creatures other than – dreaded midges.

We took a break from the Golden Road at Clo Mor, the charming Harris Tweed Exhibition. I will admit to you that prior to my visit to Harris, I had presumed that Harris tweed, since it’s pretty ubiquitous, was mass-produced, probably in China. Luckily I didn’t say that out loud to anyone. In actual fact, to qualify as Harris tweed, the textile must be “handwoven by the islanders at their homes in the Outer Hebrides, finished in the Outer Hebrides, and made from pure virgin wool dyed and spun in the Outer Hebrides,” according to an actual Act of Parliament.  Approximately 400 islanders were working in this industry as of late 2017, and you can visit them in their home, see their looms and watch them work. Consider my eyes opened.

We next stopped at Hebrides People Visitors Center in Northton, a genealogical resource for folks researching their ancestry that tells the history of the people and landscapes of Harris and the Western Isles. Our last stop on the Golden Road was St. Clemens, a medieval church founded by Alasdair MacLeod, 8th chief of Clan MacLeod. He died in 1547, and his tomb is in the church, along with a passle of other ancient MacLeods.  One wonders where the 1st – 7th MacLeod clan chiefs are buried.

My favorite peeps – sisters Victoria and Margaret

Our day ended in grand style with dinner at Flavour, an intimate restaurant on Harris with one seating and a chef, Chris Loye, who talked us through every beautiful and scrumptious dish on his tasting menu.  That night each dish incorporated, with pride, the newly released Heurach whisky from Harris Distillery. A woman from the distillery lovingly shared its story at the conclusion of our meal. She poured everyone a complimentary dram, clocking with a wry smile that I had been accidentally drinking a Talisker (from Skye).  Dang. As it turns out, she had been sitting at the table next to us with a couple who were right out of central casting for a show about a boring and very very rich English couple with plummy accents and unfortunate and ostentatious sartorial taste. I only wish I had been able to photograph the man’s pointy and aggressively shiny brown shoes.   We decided he was probably an investor in the distillery and so may be forgiven for his wardrobe choices.

Chris telling us All The Things about each course.  He and his wife spent four years on the road traveling to more than 30 countries learning about food. Back in Scotland, they started with a pop-up restaurant in their home and catering private dinners, finally securing a lease for this restaurant from the North Harris Trust. They built it during the pandemic and it opened in 2021. Now they are written up all over the place. They have Michelin dreams and I wouldn’t doubt it for a second.
The fabulous kitchen staff and obviously the dude busting me on the left is the English guy. Note the tight tight tight shirt which isn’t doing him any favors and I am terrible.

My friends, we have finally arrived on the last day of our fabulous Wilderness Scotland trip. We set off toward Stornaway, on Lewis, to catch the ferry to Ullapool on the mainland.  On our way we stopped at, in my humble opinion, the most magnificent stone circle in a country chocked full of them, the Calanais (Callanish) Stones.  Yes, yes, yes, replicas were made of these stones and then installed on the mainland at the fictitious site of Craig Na Dun for Outlander. Needless to say, they are so much more than that. Our little merry group had them to ourselves and they did not disappoint.

The stones are installed in the shape of a cross with an inner circle. They were erected 5,000 years ago and predate Stonehenge. It is thought that they were an important place of ritual activity for at least 2,000 years and possibly a kind of astronomical observatory.  They are incredibly photogenic, even in the (again) driving rain and wind.

Our last official Outer Hebrides site was Dun Carloway Broch, one of the best preserved brochs in Scotland. These mysterious Iron Age monuments exist nowhere else but here. While these circular structures are as symbolic a feature as any in the highlands, their purpose remains unknown, although it is thought that they were residential structures for fancy people.

On the ferry back to the mainland, as we sailed through calm waters surrounded by hills on various land masses, Jacq, daughter of Margaret and niece of Victoria and awesome human being, turned to me and said incredulously, “There are mountains everywhere here.” I have told so many people about that comment because – I mean it’s true, yes there are. And that is one of the crazy unique Scotland things that for some reason I had never articulated. It doesn’t matter if you are on an island, in the middle of the mainland or on a ferry – there are indeed mountains everywhere. And as a person who needs mountains – that is a plus.

As all things do, the tour at last came to an end and we all bid a fond farewell in Inverness. I snagged dinner at Hootenanny’s, listening to some live music, and spent the night in my favorite B&B in Inverness, Castleview Guest House, run by the wonderful Eleanor and her 14 year old Jack Russell, Mia. I found the place back in 2018 because Rick Steves recommended it, and Eleanor said on his visit years ago he was most enamored of her hand-written, nearly illegible guest reservation book.

Sweet Mia

I know this sounds insane but the next day I rented a car and drove back to Skye. It’s actually not that far and Skye is Skye, so maybe not insane but only slightly eccentric. I stopped at Glen Affric, another splendid nature reserve on the mainland. And, best of all, there was snow on them thar hills.

Glen Affric, along with many other reserves I had visited over the past few weeks, is one of rewilding zones of Scotland. This restoration and conservation effort had become rather an unintended but very much appreciated mantra of my trip and thankfully is a government priority. Trees and other vegetation are planted in these areas with the goal of creating a landscape that more closely resembles the Scotland of thousands of years ago, which is not the bare hills of the highlands that we are accustomed to seeing, but rather a more forested landscape providing a more diverse habitat for a greater variety of flora and fauna. For example, trees are often planted along rivers to provide shade and cool the water so salmon can thrive.

Some in the countryside advocate passionately for rewilding, others see it as an existential threat to their culture, history, and way of life. Farmers, deer stalkers, ghillies and gamekeepers are quite anxious about the impact these plans will have on their jobs. For example, Scotland is teeming with too many deer which denude the landscape – contributing to the problem – by eating foliage from the roots (as opposed to sheep whose style is more like a lawnmower) yet efforts to cull the herd have run into resistance from landowners and staff whose income is wedded to the deer stalking business.

Be that as it may, rewilding efforts are grounded in the belief that land is not primarily for generating income from sporting activities, forestry or commercial agriculture, it’s for, you know, life writ large. Creating, nurturing and protecting wild land produces the oxygen and the biodiversity we need to survive and offers solace and inspiration for our imaginations and our souls. So there.

Returning to our beautiful drive back to Skye, there was also a sprinkling of snow on the peaks surrounding Glen Shiel. No matter how old I get, there is always something magical about the first snow of the year.

Once over the Skye Bridge, I drove through Glen Sligichan, this time in gorgeous weather and so stopped for a photo of the wily Black and Red Cuillins, since as you’ll remember they were shrouded in mist and dreich the week before.

Full circle: a hooded crow on the car once again, this time in better conditions.

In Skye, I stayed in Uig, where we also stayed during the Wilderness Scotland trip, which I swear I didn’t realize in advance. I knew we were staying somewhere on Skye but no idea where. Crazy.  Clearly meant to be, yeah? Anyway, I stayed at a fabulous B&B, Abhaig House, run by an even more fabulous couple, Viv and Steve, who brought me a piece of a home-baked cake every single day. The view from my room was unbelievable, and I arrived to a charcuterie board with fresh salmon prepared by my hosts for a most delectable dinner, complete with a jaw-dropping sunset view.

The next morning I woke up early and drove just a few minutes to one of Skye’s honeypots, the Fairy Glen. It’s usually crawling with ugh tourists but we are now in late October, and I arrived at sunrise so it was mine all mine.  Just a crazy beautiful and singular area on the backside of the Quiraing. Geology, my friend. Geology. I mean what IS this place.

After my little walk, a delightful breakfast at Abhaig.

I then drove southwest to Glenbrittle beach, where I thought I’d head partway up the hike to Coire Laggan in the Black Cuillins. I knew I didn’t have enough time to do the entire walk, sadly. I kept going a little bit further and a little bit further still – just to that ridge there, then I’ll turn around, oh wait there’s another little bit…..  And lo there came a time when I needed to pull slightly off the trail to drop trou and do a wee pee – and as looked up from my undignified squat toward the Cuillin ridge, to my horror descending walkers appeared in the distance WHO PROBABLY SAW ME and so I took that as my sign and scarpered back down to the car in giggly horror.

The black sands of Glenbrittle Beach

The reason I didn’t have enough time is because I had booked a reservation at the chef’s kitchen table at the renowned Three Chimneys restaurant, where I had enjoyed a wonderful meal with Danielle the previous spring. It was super fun sitting in the kitchen and the only other guests were a very blonde and adorable couple from London on their honeymoon. Both lawyers! Both liberal!  Brexit is terrible! Trump is terrible! Yay! A chef’s table can be risky, god knows, but we hit the jackpot and had a lively and interesting conversation for the entire meal. They were staying in the lovely rooms at the Three Chimneys, whereas I had a half hour drive back across Skye on single track roads in the pitch dark with silly sheepies snoozing like RIGHT there on the edge of the road like fuzzy doofuses.  But seriously – what a great night.

The next day I caught the ferry to Raasay, a small island with 192 denizens just to the east of Skye.  It’s a very short and very beautiful ferry ride.

When we disembarked I set off down a crumbly wee road toward a short hike that looked pretty cool. I did not see another car or another person.

There was a tiny parking area at the end of the road, thus:

I embarked on yet another gobsmackingly gorgeous coastal hike to the ruins of Hallaig, a clearance village, one of several cleared communities on Raasay, where the residents were forcibly evicted or encouraged to move to make way for sheep grazing on the island in the 1800s.  There’s a monument along the trail that includes a poem about the ruins called “Hallaig,”by Sorley Maclean.

Back through the gloaming to Hallaig

Through the vivid speechless air,

Pouring down the steep slopes,

Their laughter misting my ear

And their beauty a glaze on my heart.

Then as the kyles go dim

And the sun sets behind Dun Cana

Love’s loaded gun will take aim.

A few photos of the ruins.

Could not resist a few smiley selfies in that sad and somber place because good god IT WAS SUNNY.

I think this walk resulted in some of the most incredible photos from my entire trip – the light, the location, the mountains, the ocean.

As you can see, this was another walk where I didn’t see another human being, which is absolutely my preference to be honest. My mom asked me to write about what it was like to hike alone in remote areas in a foreign country.  The answer is that it’s awesome and makes me blissfully happy and at peace.  An adventure in the best possible way because the risk level is very, very low and yet you are out in the wild! On the moors! Gazing across oceans and up mountains!  So many wild coos and sheepies! And I’m not naive, I know full well that folks have often found themselves in trouble hiking in the UK, involving mountain rescue teams, helicopter evacs, injury and even death. I don’t know what to say except that the thought never crosses my mind that something bad might happen because a) I’m in Scotland and b) there’s so much joyful zen in my brain. I’m so completely present in the moment as they say, that all thoughts of worry have nowhere to grab hold. For what it’s worth, my mom doesn’t worry about me either, which is quite literally unheard of. So ¯\_(ツ)_/¯

I sat in the car for a few minutes enjoying the bag lunch of a fresh salmon salad Viv and Steve prepared, and then started the short drive back toward the ferry so I’d make it to Raasay Distillery in time for my tour.  Along the way I came upon a Scottish traffic jam, but not to worry, I made it.

Opened in 2017, Raasay released its first whisky in 2020. The 2022 Scottish Whisky Awards named Rassay Distillery of the Year, and it’s a beautiful facility with drop-dead views. They released their first whisky in 2021 and their single malt combines six signature casks – maturing peated and unpeated spirit separately in ex-rye whisky, virgin Chinkapin oak and Bordeaux red wine casks. The first of this cask combination in Scotch whisky history. The exact proportions are, of course, top secret.

A lovely, sophisticated English woman with a dry wit was our tour guide. She had retired to Raasay a few years prior with her French husband and was obviously enjoying her retirement gig at the distillery. I talked with her afterward about what it was like, and how her Parisien husband was enjoying living on a remote barely populated island in the Hebrides. I shared that I was feeling a similar pull toward Scotland in general.  She immediately engaged an eye-lock and encouraged me to start doing something – taking actual measurable steps toward this goal. I don’t know, I got the tingles. Message received.

So the Raasay “Hebridean” is a very very good whisky and I fell in love with the distillery and with Raasay itself. As I had enough space in my luggage to bring one bottle home, I decided this would be The Chosen One. I did a quick search on my phone – without my glasses – to make sure you couldn’t buy Raasay in Oregon. Well. When I got home I looked it up again and sure enough, found that you could acquire a bottle in two local liquor stores.  Not only that but one of the liquor stores carried bottles of the single cask versions from the pleated bordeaux and rye casks. Good god. Coals to Newcastle. In retrospect, it’s almost a certainty that I misspelled Raasay as I was standing in line at the distillery on my phone with no glasses. I mean, there are a lot of “a’s” in fairness.

The view from Raasay Distillery. Literally. I can’t even.

The ferry back to Skye.

My car and I alighted from the ferry and drove to Portree where I had booked a table at Dulse & Brose, a lovely restaurant of past acquaintance.  I was there a bit early and so wandered around Portree seeking a pub.  The thing about shoulder season is that places are sometimes closed for the winter – rude! I finally walked along Quay Street, where the lovely painted buildings are, and found a teensy weensy pub inside the Pier Hotel. (The baby blue building below).

I sat at the bar and had a dram, eavesdropping on a hilarious conversation between a couple of older Scottish men with a fisherman vibe and a small family group from, of all places, Texas. The Texans were trying to explain to the Scots why the phrase, “bless your heart,” (which the Scots had never before heard) could, and often did, actually have a negative connotation. It’s one of those southern idioms that sound polite but are really a highly judgmental put-down. The Scots literally could not understand why we’d take something that sounded like a blessing and turn it into a smug slam.  The other conversation I enjoyed was between the bartender and his girlfriend about how amazing Peaky Blinders was.  Speaking of which,

Tommy Fookin’ Shelby makes the blog.

And now I think it’s high time to wrap this installment of The Wee Dram. My last full day had finally arrived, so I bid a sad farewell to Viv and Steve and the cute pups they were dog-sitting.

I then had the dumb idea of stopping by the Old Man of Storr on a gorgeous sunny day at 10:30, thinking I could just bound up the trail of the last Skye honeypot I hadn’t yet done. It was a sh*tshow. Could not believe the huge parking lot packed to the gills with humanity. Nooooooo.  No thanks. KThxBai. Next time. I pulled off the road across from the bulging parking lot, grabbed a coffee and had a final wee look across to the mainland where I was headed – and said goodbye to Skye for the fourth time in my life. I also said see ya next year.

I drove through a bluebird day back to Inverness. It was honestly sort of weird seeing Scotland during a baldly sunny day. It didn’t look like itself.

My last night in Inverness I once again stayed with Eleanor and Mia, enjoying a lovely supper at the Mustard Seed. It was a gorgeous final night of my nearly month-long trip.

So, dear friend, thank you for reading this blog, for being patient with my many diversions down historical, geological, ecological, cultural, Gaelic pronunciation and whisky-related rabbit holes.  I’ll just end by saying that I’m headed back next May to Glencoe (have never missed), the Pentland Hills south of Edinburgh, and……(drum roll) Shetland. And next fall I’m returning with my pal Trish, mostly to visit Arran, Islay and Jura, since our last trip we were stymied by weather, and then back to Skye where I will probably feel drawn to the ferry to sail to the Outer Hebrides again, maybe this time to the Uists.

Because why would I go anywhere else.