The Last Post: Peat, Standing Stones, Snow, Whisky and Back to Skye

Callanais Stones, Isle of Lewis

Our last full day in the Outer Hebrides dawned with a bittersweet tinge. Wind-swept, isolated and bewitching Harris had started to seep into my bones and I felt strangely reluctant to leave. We had one more walk before us, followed by a drive down the Golden Road and a fancy farewell dinner.

We headed to the southwestern corner of Harris, our destination an uninhabited peninsula connected to the rest of the island via a sandy machair in between two bays. A machair (pronounced “mach’ – like loch – er”) is fertile, well-drained grassland found in Scotland and Ireland which is formed by sand being blown over peat. It creates a unique habitat with diverse bird life and blankets of meadow flowers in early summer. However, with winter approaching, the flowers and birdies were long gone.

A double rainbow arched over the road on our drive there.

We parked the van next to a charming and quirky cafe snuggled in the middle of nowhere called Temple Harris, featuring a spectacular array of pastries and killer views over a sandy bay ringed with hills. We strolled down a road toward the westernmost summit of Harris and our climb of the day, Ceopabhal (pronounced Chaipaval – p.s., sorry for all these pronunciation tips but I want you to be the hit of your next cocktail party).

We walked across the machair in capriciously changing weather and made our way through a herd of colorful shaggy cows that appeared to be Highland Cattle/Belted Galloway crosses, which I am totally here for. Fighting our way through a sudden gusty squall, we crested a hill and Traig na Cleavag magically came into view, yet another pristine and deserted Harris beach. This one was guarded by an ancient sentinel – a ruined medieval chapel known as Rubh’ an Teampaill aka Northton Temple. It was built on the site where an Iron Age broch once stood, on land which has been continuously occupied since the Mesolithic era (as this particular era often comes up at cocktail parties, along with Gaelic pronunciation opportunities, a wee reminder this was 10,000 to 8,000 BCE, so very much olden times, or dare I say, days of yore).

Ceopabhal loomed over us for the entirety of our walk, and I eyed the hill with a slight amount of trepidation, mostly because I made the mistake of reading about it in advance on the Walkhighlands website (the bible of Scottish hillwalking).

The climb featured a 1,200 foot elevation gain over 6/10 of a mile. This is indisputably a bit on the steepish side, in fact Walkhighlands mentioned in passing that a “great amount of effort” was necessary to reach its summit. Also Liam made us stop and eat a protein bar just before the steep bit for “fortification.” Yikes. So once again the ascent was trail-free – we just zig-zagged our way up through clumps of heather. My main pro tip would be to make sure you lean forward into the hill. At least it was so rainy and windy that trying not to get blown off the trail to our deaths (only slightly exaggerating) served as an excellent distraction from the aggressive angle of the climb.

At the summit (yay!), the views were 360 degrees (largely into fantastic storms, but you could see the mountains of Skye). The wind had truly become a biblical sort of tempest, known in these parts as “blowing a hoolie,” although I did valiantly manage a few snaps and a cairn photo.

We walked to the lee side of the hill, mercifully sheltered from the hoolie, and sat in some soft comfy moss to enjoy a picnic looking out over a gorgeous bay.

The fine folks at Walkhighlands.com recommended retracing one’s steps back down the hill. My knees were entirely dreading this prospect because going up a steep slope is one thing, going down (while being blown about by a hoolie) is an entirely different situation. This advice was based on their view that walking down the hill on its lee side would take one through “deep heather” and thus should be avoided. Mercifully, Liam had other ideas.  We indeed took the more gradual route toward the bay, winding our way through heather and floating across fluffy, deep mounds of sweet, sweet sphagnum moss. Let me tell you it was delightful. Imagine traipsing down a hill on living, breathing sponges of memory foam. That’s what it was like. I put my hiking sticks away.

Speaking of moss, you can’t go to Scotland without considering peat. No seriously. Peat is formed from plant material throughout the ages that does not fully decompose, and sphagnum moss is one of its main ingredients.  Peatlands cover about 20% of Scotland and yet 80% has been degraded over time. It has been hacked away and drained since the 1800s to make room for agriculture. For centuries it has also been cut, dried, and used in fireplaces for heating homes. It still is. 

Peat harvesting on Harris.

Peatlands are among the most carbon-rich ecosystems on Earth and have a net cooling effect on climate.  Healthy peatlands can also reduce flood risk by slowing the flow of water from the uplands. If you hold a small handful of sphagnum moss and give it a squeeze, enough water will run out to fill a juice glass. Without peat, one is left with completely nonabsorbent bedrock which isn’t great in a country where it is usually raining. Peatlands also promote biodiversity by providing vital habitat for birds, insects and plants. Peat bogs are sometimes referred to as the rainforests of the UK.

A few more cool things about peat. You may have seen an episode of the BBC mystery Shetland where a decades-old body was found perfectly preserved in a peat bog and wondered why.  (Fun fact: There have been only two murders in Shetland over the last 50 years, rather than the 1-2 murders per week as depicted in the show. This aside provides an excuse for a Douglas Henshall call out for a lot of reasons).

Doug Henshall as Jimmy Perez in Shetland.

The explanation for peat’s ability to preserve (ahem) organic matter is this. As a bog grows, and new peat replaces old peat, the older material underneath rots and releases humic acid, also known as bog acid, with pH levels similar to vinegar. Not to put too fine a point on it, but bog acid preserves human bodies in the same way fruit is preserved by pickling. And of course not just humans – a wooly mammoth was once discovered buried in peat that still had its fur and food in its mouth.

Peat also creates and stores iodine. The iodine causes sphagnum moss to look very yellow and even red when it’s waterlogged. This is why many Scottish rivers appear golden in color – it’s not tea, or (sadly) whisky – it’s iodine-laced runoff.  Also, iodine’s antiseptic properties mean that sphagnum moss acts as a water filtration system so in a pinch you can use water squeezed from moss for hydration – and even more interesting, it was used to pack wounds during wartime since it’s both sterile and absorbent.

Most crucially from a climate change perspective, Scotland’s peatlands store 16 million tonnes of carbon (one tonne is 9% larger than a metric ton) and possibly shouldn’t be released into the atmosphere at this particular juncture. Draining water away from peat bogs to support agriculture causes the peat to dry, resulting in the vegetation decomposing much faster – and the release of carbon. Similarly, burning peat has the potential to release hundreds of years of stored carbon back into the atmosphere. Ultimately it’s quite beneficial to have large land masses that actually capture and store carbon.

I know what you are thinking – what about (gulp) whisky? Much of Scotland’s whisky is made from sprouted barley that has been dried by peat fire. It imparts a lovely campfire vibe to the golden liquid which causes people to either fall in love or cough with watering eyes and an alarmed expression. An iconic flavor either way, especially with Islay whiskies. As it turns out, whisky accounts for only about 1% of the UK’s peat use and as you can imagine defending the cultural significance of Scotland’s whisky-making tradition has been the central pillar of the industry’s case during the government’s development of its peat policy. Distilleries have pledged to make peat use more sustainable, although given its glacial pace of regeneration (1mm a year) this is a matter of debate. Distilleries are also experimenting with using different botanicals to light on fire for barley drying. Glenmorangie has just released a “Taste of the Forest” expression where they used pine, juniper, woodland moss and eucalyptus as fuel.

The good news is that peatland restoration and preservation is very very big in the UK and heroic efforts are underway to preserve and increase the resource – with some measurable success.  So fingers crossed.

Thank you for coming to my Ted Talk.

So let’s rejoin our merry band of descending walkers as they bounce down Ceopabhal on cushions of sphagnum moss. Before I share a few photos, after hearing all this peat talk from Liam we were sensitive about trodding on this precious resource, but he assured us that it quite literally bounces right back due to its buoyant density. Phew.

Upon our triumphant return to the van, we snagged a coffee and pastry (and a wee bit of shopping) at Temple Harris.  Everyone leaves their packs outside on the wooden bench without worry of misadventure.

Duly fortified, we struck off down the Golden Road, a spectacularly winding single track route along Harris’s rocky east coast. It’s widely assumed it got its name due to its eye-wateringly spendy construction cost.   After Liam cheerfully told us that if anyone was going to barf in the van, this would likely be the time, he offered distraction from the terrifying prospect of public motion sickness by launching into storytelling mode. He regaled us with mystical tales of dubious provenance featuring two dangerous and wily Scottish creatures.

First on the agenda – kelpies. Typically residing in and lurking about black lochs, they take the form of a horse, appearing to unwary humans as being a helpful sort of creature. They entice travelers to ride them over the loch, seemingly a more expeditious route than walking around them. It’s a trap! Once a person mounts the horse, it gallops to the deepest end of the loch, dragging its hapless rider below the water to their death and, ultimately, consumption (yikes). This legend was used to keep children away from lochs and also provided therapy fodder for later in life.

You may have seen this gorgeous sculpture by Andy Scott. The Kelpies were installed in 2013 near Falkirk and are a ginormous 98 feet high. It’s beautifully lit at night, and even if you don’t have time to stop, the giant kelpies loom over the M9 between Edinburgh and Stirling.

Next we turned to tales of the more benign selkies. They are also water-dwelling shapeshifters, but transform between seal and human by shedding and replacing their skin. As humans, selkies are incredibly attractive, graceful, kind natured and (avert your eyes) seductive, and so humans tend to fall desperately in love with them.  Selkies have also been tricked into marrying humans, usually by a nefarious person who steals and hides their seal skin, preventing them from returning to the sea. Not cool. Selkies are known for their benevolence, saving the lives of children or fishermen who have fallen into the sea.

There you have it. Keep up your guard if you visit Scotland – as these mythical beings pose more danger than any other resident creatures other than – dreaded midges.

We took a break from the Golden Road at Clo Mor, the charming Harris Tweed Exhibition. I will admit to you that prior to my visit to Harris, I had presumed that Harris tweed, since it’s pretty ubiquitous, was mass-produced, probably in China. Luckily I didn’t say that out loud to anyone. In actual fact, to qualify as Harris tweed, the textile must be “handwoven by the islanders at their homes in the Outer Hebrides, finished in the Outer Hebrides, and made from pure virgin wool dyed and spun in the Outer Hebrides,” according to an actual Act of Parliament.  Approximately 400 islanders were working in this industry as of late 2017, and you can visit them in their home, see their looms and watch them work. Consider my eyes opened.

We next stopped at Hebrides People Visitors Center in Northton, a genealogical resource for folks researching their ancestry that tells the history of the people and landscapes of Harris and the Western Isles. Our last stop on the Golden Road was St. Clemens, a medieval church founded by Alasdair MacLeod, 8th chief of Clan MacLeod. He died in 1547, and his tomb is in the church, along with a passle of other ancient MacLeods.  One wonders where the 1st – 7th MacLeod clan chiefs are buried.

My favorite peeps – sisters Victoria and Margaret

Our day ended in grand style with dinner at Flavour, an intimate restaurant on Harris with one seating and a chef, Chris Loye, who talked us through every beautiful and scrumptious dish on his tasting menu.  That night each dish incorporated, with pride, the newly released Heurach whisky from Harris Distillery. A woman from the distillery lovingly shared its story at the conclusion of our meal. She poured everyone a complimentary dram, clocking with a wry smile that I had been accidentally drinking a Talisker (from Skye).  Dang. As it turns out, she had been sitting at the table next to us with a couple who were right out of central casting for a show about a boring and very very rich English couple with plummy accents and unfortunate and ostentatious sartorial taste. I only wish I had been able to photograph the man’s pointy and aggressively shiny brown shoes.   We decided he was probably an investor in the distillery and so may be forgiven for his wardrobe choices.

Chris telling us All The Things about each course.  He and his wife spent four years on the road traveling to more than 30 countries learning about food. Back in Scotland, they started with a pop-up restaurant in their home and catering private dinners, finally securing a lease for this restaurant from the North Harris Trust. They built it during the pandemic and it opened in 2021. Now they are written up all over the place. They have Michelin dreams and I wouldn’t doubt it for a second.
The fabulous kitchen staff and obviously the dude busting me on the left is the English guy. Note the tight tight tight shirt which isn’t doing him any favors and I am terrible.

My friends, we have finally arrived on the last day of our fabulous Wilderness Scotland trip. We set off toward Stornaway, on Lewis, to catch the ferry to Ullapool on the mainland.  On our way we stopped at, in my humble opinion, the most magnificent stone circle in a country chocked full of them, the Calanais (Callanish) Stones.  Yes, yes, yes, replicas were made of these stones and then installed on the mainland at the fictitious site of Craig Na Dun for Outlander. Needless to say, they are so much more than that. Our little merry group had them to ourselves and they did not disappoint.

The stones are installed in the shape of a cross with an inner circle. They were erected 5,000 years ago and predate Stonehenge. It is thought that they were an important place of ritual activity for at least 2,000 years and possibly a kind of astronomical observatory.  They are incredibly photogenic, even in the (again) driving rain and wind.

Our last official Outer Hebrides site was Dun Carloway Broch, one of the best preserved brochs in Scotland. These mysterious Iron Age monuments exist nowhere else but here. While these circular structures are as symbolic a feature as any in the highlands, their purpose remains unknown, although it is thought that they were residential structures for fancy people.

On the ferry back to the mainland, as we sailed through calm waters surrounded by hills on various land masses, Jacq, daughter of Margaret and niece of Victoria and awesome human being, turned to me and said incredulously, “There are mountains everywhere here.” I have told so many people about that comment because – I mean it’s true, yes there are. And that is one of the crazy unique Scotland things that for some reason I had never articulated. It doesn’t matter if you are on an island, in the middle of the mainland or on a ferry – there are indeed mountains everywhere. And as a person who needs mountains – that is a plus.

As all things do, the tour at last came to an end and we all bid a fond farewell in Inverness. I snagged dinner at Hootenanny’s, listening to some live music, and spent the night in my favorite B&B in Inverness, Castleview Guest House, run by the wonderful Eleanor and her 14 year old Jack Russell, Mia. I found the place back in 2018 because Rick Steves recommended it, and Eleanor said on his visit years ago he was most enamored of her hand-written, nearly illegible guest reservation book.

Sweet Mia

I know this sounds insane but the next day I rented a car and drove back to Skye. It’s actually not that far and Skye is Skye, so maybe not insane but only slightly eccentric. I stopped at Glen Affric, another splendid nature reserve on the mainland. And, best of all, there was snow on them thar hills.

Glen Affric, along with many other reserves I had visited over the past few weeks, is one of rewilding zones of Scotland. This restoration and conservation effort had become rather an unintended but very much appreciated mantra of my trip and thankfully is a government priority. Trees and other vegetation are planted in these areas with the goal of creating a landscape that more closely resembles the Scotland of thousands of years ago, which is not the bare hills of the highlands that we are accustomed to seeing, but rather a more forested landscape providing a more diverse habitat for a greater variety of flora and fauna. For example, trees are often planted along rivers to provide shade and cool the water so salmon can thrive.

Some in the countryside advocate passionately for rewilding, others see it as an existential threat to their culture, history, and way of life. Farmers, deer stalkers, ghillies and gamekeepers are quite anxious about the impact these plans will have on their jobs. For example, Scotland is teeming with too many deer which denude the landscape – contributing to the problem – by eating foliage from the roots (as opposed to sheep whose style is more like a lawnmower) yet efforts to cull the herd have run into resistance from landowners and staff whose income is wedded to the deer stalking business.

Be that as it may, rewilding efforts are grounded in the belief that land is not primarily for generating income from sporting activities, forestry or commercial agriculture, it’s for, you know, life writ large. Creating, nurturing and protecting wild land produces the oxygen and the biodiversity we need to survive and offers solace and inspiration for our imaginations and our souls. So there.

Returning to our beautiful drive back to Skye, there was also a sprinkling of snow on the peaks surrounding Glen Shiel. No matter how old I get, there is always something magical about the first snow of the year.

Once over the Skye Bridge, I drove through Glen Sligichan, this time in gorgeous weather and so stopped for a photo of the wily Black and Red Cuillins, since as you’ll remember they were shrouded in mist and dreich the week before.

Full circle: a hooded crow on the car once again, this time in better conditions.

In Skye, I stayed in Uig, where we also stayed during the Wilderness Scotland trip, which I swear I didn’t realize in advance. I knew we were staying somewhere on Skye but no idea where. Crazy.  Clearly meant to be, yeah? Anyway, I stayed at a fabulous B&B, Abhaig House, run by an even more fabulous couple, Viv and Steve, who brought me a piece of a home-baked cake every single day. The view from my room was unbelievable, and I arrived to a charcuterie board with fresh salmon prepared by my hosts for a most delectable dinner, complete with a jaw-dropping sunset view.

The next morning I woke up early and drove just a few minutes to one of Skye’s honeypots, the Fairy Glen. It’s usually crawling with ugh tourists but we are now in late October, and I arrived at sunrise so it was mine all mine.  Just a crazy beautiful and singular area on the backside of the Quiraing. Geology, my friend. Geology. I mean what IS this place.

After my little walk, a delightful breakfast at Abhaig.

I then drove southwest to Glenbrittle beach, where I thought I’d head partway up the hike to Coire Laggan in the Black Cuillins. I knew I didn’t have enough time to do the entire walk, sadly. I kept going a little bit further and a little bit further still – just to that ridge there, then I’ll turn around, oh wait there’s another little bit…..  And lo there came a time when I needed to pull slightly off the trail to drop trou and do a wee pee – and as looked up from my undignified squat toward the Cuillin ridge, to my horror descending walkers appeared in the distance WHO PROBABLY SAW ME and so I took that as my sign and scarpered back down to the car in giggly horror.

The black sands of Glenbrittle Beach

The reason I didn’t have enough time is because I had booked a reservation at the chef’s kitchen table at the renowned Three Chimneys restaurant, where I had enjoyed a wonderful meal with Danielle the previous spring. It was super fun sitting in the kitchen and the only other guests were a very blonde and adorable couple from London on their honeymoon. Both lawyers! Both liberal!  Brexit is terrible! Trump is terrible! Yay! A chef’s table can be risky, god knows, but we hit the jackpot and had a lively and interesting conversation for the entire meal. They were staying in the lovely rooms at the Three Chimneys, whereas I had a half hour drive back across Skye on single track roads in the pitch dark with silly sheepies snoozing like RIGHT there on the edge of the road like fuzzy doofuses.  But seriously – what a great night.

The next day I caught the ferry to Raasay, a small island with 192 denizens just to the east of Skye.  It’s a very short and very beautiful ferry ride.

When we disembarked I set off down a crumbly wee road toward a short hike that looked pretty cool. I did not see another car or another person.

There was a tiny parking area at the end of the road, thus:

I embarked on yet another gobsmackingly gorgeous coastal hike to the ruins of Hallaig, a clearance village, one of several cleared communities on Raasay, where the residents were forcibly evicted or encouraged to move to make way for sheep grazing on the island in the 1800s.  There’s a monument along the trail that includes a poem about the ruins called “Hallaig,”by Sorley Maclean.

Back through the gloaming to Hallaig

Through the vivid speechless air,

Pouring down the steep slopes,

Their laughter misting my ear

And their beauty a glaze on my heart.

Then as the kyles go dim

And the sun sets behind Dun Cana

Love’s loaded gun will take aim.

A few photos of the ruins.

Could not resist a few smiley selfies in that sad and somber place because good god IT WAS SUNNY.

I think this walk resulted in some of the most incredible photos from my entire trip – the light, the location, the mountains, the ocean.

As you can see, this was another walk where I didn’t see another human being, which is absolutely my preference to be honest. My mom asked me to write about what it was like to hike alone in remote areas in a foreign country.  The answer is that it’s awesome and makes me blissfully happy and at peace.  An adventure in the best possible way because the risk level is very, very low and yet you are out in the wild! On the moors! Gazing across oceans and up mountains!  So many wild coos and sheepies! And I’m not naive, I know full well that folks have often found themselves in trouble hiking in the UK, involving mountain rescue teams, helicopter evacs, injury and even death. I don’t know what to say except that the thought never crosses my mind that something bad might happen because a) I’m in Scotland and b) there’s so much joyful zen in my brain. I’m so completely present in the moment as they say, that all thoughts of worry have nowhere to grab hold. For what it’s worth, my mom doesn’t worry about me either, which is quite literally unheard of. So ¯\_(ツ)_/¯

I sat in the car for a few minutes enjoying the bag lunch of a fresh salmon salad Viv and Steve prepared, and then started the short drive back toward the ferry so I’d make it to Raasay Distillery in time for my tour.  Along the way I came upon a Scottish traffic jam, but not to worry, I made it.

Opened in 2017, Raasay released its first whisky in 2020. The 2022 Scottish Whisky Awards named Rassay Distillery of the Year, and it’s a beautiful facility with drop-dead views. They released their first whisky in 2021 and their single malt combines six signature casks – maturing peated and unpeated spirit separately in ex-rye whisky, virgin Chinkapin oak and Bordeaux red wine casks. The first of this cask combination in Scotch whisky history. The exact proportions are, of course, top secret.

A lovely, sophisticated English woman with a dry wit was our tour guide. She had retired to Raasay a few years prior with her French husband and was obviously enjoying her retirement gig at the distillery. I talked with her afterward about what it was like, and how her Parisien husband was enjoying living on a remote barely populated island in the Hebrides. I shared that I was feeling a similar pull toward Scotland in general.  She immediately engaged an eye-lock and encouraged me to start doing something – taking actual measurable steps toward this goal. I don’t know, I got the tingles. Message received.

So the Raasay “Hebridean” is a very very good whisky and I fell in love with the distillery and with Raasay itself. As I had enough space in my luggage to bring one bottle home, I decided this would be The Chosen One. I did a quick search on my phone – without my glasses – to make sure you couldn’t buy Raasay in Oregon. Well. When I got home I looked it up again and sure enough, found that you could acquire a bottle in two local liquor stores.  Not only that but one of the liquor stores carried bottles of the single cask versions from the pleated bordeaux and rye casks. Good god. Coals to Newcastle. In retrospect, it’s almost a certainty that I misspelled Raasay as I was standing in line at the distillery on my phone with no glasses. I mean, there are a lot of “a’s” in fairness.

The view from Raasay Distillery. Literally. I can’t even.

The ferry back to Skye.

My car and I alighted from the ferry and drove to Portree where I had booked a table at Dulse & Brose, a lovely restaurant of past acquaintance.  I was there a bit early and so wandered around Portree seeking a pub.  The thing about shoulder season is that places are sometimes closed for the winter – rude! I finally walked along Quay Street, where the lovely painted buildings are, and found a teensy weensy pub inside the Pier Hotel. (The baby blue building below).

I sat at the bar and had a dram, eavesdropping on a hilarious conversation between a couple of older Scottish men with a fisherman vibe and a small family group from, of all places, Texas. The Texans were trying to explain to the Scots why the phrase, “bless your heart,” (which the Scots had never before heard) could, and often did, actually have a negative connotation. It’s one of those southern idioms that sound polite but are really a highly judgmental put-down. The Scots literally could not understand why we’d take something that sounded like a blessing and turn it into a smug slam.  The other conversation I enjoyed was between the bartender and his girlfriend about how amazing Peaky Blinders was.  Speaking of which,

Tommy Fookin’ Shelby makes the blog.

And now I think it’s high time to wrap this installment of The Wee Dram. My last full day had finally arrived, so I bid a sad farewell to Viv and Steve and the cute pups they were dog-sitting.

I then had the dumb idea of stopping by the Old Man of Storr on a gorgeous sunny day at 10:30, thinking I could just bound up the trail of the last Skye honeypot I hadn’t yet done. It was a sh*tshow. Could not believe the huge parking lot packed to the gills with humanity. Nooooooo.  No thanks. KThxBai. Next time. I pulled off the road across from the bulging parking lot, grabbed a coffee and had a final wee look across to the mainland where I was headed – and said goodbye to Skye for the fourth time in my life. I also said see ya next year.

I drove through a bluebird day back to Inverness. It was honestly sort of weird seeing Scotland during a baldly sunny day. It didn’t look like itself.

My last night in Inverness I once again stayed with Eleanor and Mia, enjoying a lovely supper at the Mustard Seed. It was a gorgeous final night of my nearly month-long trip.

So, dear friend, thank you for reading this blog, for being patient with my many diversions down historical, geological, ecological, cultural, Gaelic pronunciation and whisky-related rabbit holes.  I’ll just end by saying that I’m headed back next May to Glencoe (have never missed), the Pentland Hills south of Edinburgh, and……(drum roll) Shetland. And next fall I’m returning with my pal Trish, mostly to visit Arran, Islay and Jura, since our last trip we were stymied by weather, and then back to Skye where I will probably feel drawn to the ferry to sail to the Outer Hebrides again, maybe this time to the Uists.

Because why would I go anywhere else.

Hiking on Orkney: Neolithic Ruins, Stone Circles, Hippies and Whisky

Ring of Brodgar, Mainland

Our epic hike to the Old Man of Hoy now in the books, we have two more days of hiking plus a guided tour of Westray to look forward to during our time in Orkney.

One note – we learned that one must never say, “Orkney Islands” or “Orkneys” or “Shetland Islands” or “Isle of Skye.” It’s Orkney, Shetland and Skye, and the same can be said for all 700 of the Isles of Scotland. This mistake is as irritating to Islanders as it is to Oregonians when others pronounce our state Ore-GONE. Ugh.

Our second day of hiking started at Skara Brae, magnificently preserved Neolithic ruins situated on a hill overlooking the Bay of Skaill. As we were en route, our cabbie Eddie told us that ancient Picts lived in harmony for thousands of years, not raising arms against anyone, “until my ancestors came over from Norway.” I accused him of being a Viking, which he completely acknowledged with a tinge of pride. When asked whether he’d lived his entire life in Orkney, he answered, “not yet.” By this time he was obviously our favorite. As he dropped us off, he intoned, “Welcome to 6,000 years ago.”

This seems like an unfathomable period of time, so to provide context, as you walk out to the ruins there are cleverly placed stones marking the progress of history such as the building of Stonehenge, the construction of the pyramids of Giza, the birth of Christ and the fall of Rome. Skara Brae was built and inhabited eons before all of these familiar markers of “ancient” history.

The ruin itself consists of ten clustered houses with stone hearths, beds and cupboards. There’s even a primitive sewage system, so, you know, I could have lived there. The site was occupied from 3180 BC through 2500 BC and it is Europe’s most complete Neolithic village.

The ruins were discovered in 1850 when a giant storm literally stripped the earth from the knoll, exposing the outline of the village. Incredible artifacts were discovered, including beautiful beaded necklaces fashioned from animal teeth or bone.

Lovely spot for a village.
Neolithic Feng Shui

From the ruins, we joined the West Coast trail, which follows the Mainland coast all the way back to Stromness. The views were insane, the sea was azure blue, and there were more ruins along the way.

The little knob on the far island is the Old Man of Hoy. He’s always nearby.
The Broch of Borwick, circa 500 BC, excavated in 1881. Someone’s wee seaside cottage back in the day.
For scale.
Just insane views.
Scotland rocking the sea stacks.

Just as we ended our walk, the weather changed from gorgeous to blustery – as is its wont.

The next day we continued our passage through days of yore by hiking between two stone circles very near Skara Brae – and possibly used by its residents. As with Stonehenge, nobody really knows for certain exactly how they were incorporated into the life of the community, although theories abound. You’ve heard them all. The Ring of Brodgar was likely constructed between 2600 and 2400 BC and the Stones of Stenness, which are considered to be the oldest henge in Britain, around 3100 BC.

The Ring of Brodgar was originally comprised of 60 stones, with 36 surviving today, still a startling sight. The Stones of Stenness originally had 12 upright stones with only four surviving. My favorite was the Ring of Brodgar.

It’s miraculous really, that so many of the stones have survived for many thousands of years. Imagine! Of course, through the passage of time, random people have interrupted the flow of magic, as they do. The most heartbreaking tale was that which befell the Odin Stone. This fabulously named stone stood near Stenness Circle. Thought to have been erected around 3000 BC, it stood about 8 feet high and had a shoulder-high hole through which couples would clasp hands to provisionally marry one another until they could find a priest somewhere. Isn’t that lovely? Well, of course it is. However, in 1814 a silly man who leased the land upon which the stones stood found himself irritated by people tramping about amongst them. So he destroyed Odin’s Stone as well as a few others. Not stoked, the native Orcadians tried to burn his house down. Twice.

Another heartbreaking and irritating tale is the co-opting of ancient stone henges by weird barefoot hippies. We saw a pair of them during our visit to the Stenness Stones. They walked around with their eyes closed and tie-dyed garments flowing, demonstrating to all that they inhabited much higher planes of consciousness than the rest of us. Barefoot, likely days from their last shower, probably not vaccinated. They ostentatiously perched on the stones (leaving only two for others to photograph) communing with ancient spirits (I guess) and basically making horses’ patooties of themselves. Literally the dude did a headstand like an idiot. Obviously I had to take photos because – isn’t that what they want? To be noticed by lowly beings who are dazzled by their higher vibrational states and inspired by their oneness with the ancient spirits of the stones? You see, what appears to be a disrespectful act is actually the physical manifestation of advanced astral powers beyond our comprehension. I’ll stop now, but I mean seriously, the absolute worst. I suppose we should be grateful that they weren’t naked.

Ew.
Fell over twice before pulling off this pathetic excuse for a headstand.
Hippie-free Stones

Cabbie Eddie, when Danielle told him of these shenanigans, said that these stones had nothing to do with yoga or “flower power” but instead represented the deepest beliefs of ancient peoples. He said that if you cut open the earth – or your arm – you see stone and bone covered with layers of strata, whether it is skin and muscle or earth and ruins of civilizations. This ephemeral strata comes and go while earth and bone endure and thus are deemed significant and worthy of reverence.

Before we leave Stromness for Kirkwall, here are a few photos of a simply lovely town.

The Ferry Inn – the only restaurant in Stromness currently open for dinner. (Thanks COVID). Luckily it’s smashing and we enjoyed it all three nights.

From the sublime to the whisky, I arranged a tour of Highland Park Distillery for the afternoon. I was ushered into a room with the guide and probably ten guys all standing in a circle. Some Danes, some Swedes and a Brit. The Danes had matching polo shirts with a “Prisoners of Whisky” logo which seemed rather melodramatic. I later learned it signified a posh Danish whisky appreciation group. They barely acknowledged my entrance (what?!?!) so I was determined to make them all love me and respect my whisky knowledge by the end of the tour. Spoiler alert: they did.

The guide told us of an incident that occurred a few days prior where a lorry driver who had attached a caravan to his roof drove under pipes that ran across the road and damaged them irreparably. He told us with a deeply exhausted expression that Highland Park won’t be able to resume normal operations until September. They are gradually emptying out all the washbacks, mash tuns and stills. Yikes.

Even in the face of this troubling news, the tour was fascinating as they always are. I learned that when there is the occasional “off” barrel of whisky (it happens), the contents aren’t poured down the drain because whisky has to stay in Scotland and god knows where it could end up. Rather, the bad stuff is distilled to almost 100% alcohol and sold to France for use in the making of perfume. French perfume made from bad scotch. C’est parfait.

After the tour we decamped to a lovely tasting room to have wee drams of the special edition Highland Park whiskies named after Norse gods Thor, Loki, Odin and Freya. Each dram was meant to represent the essence of its namesake god. All were cask strength and Thor was the best. I think because there were special Danes in attendance and the tour guide was also Danish, he busted out a 1968 bottle currently going for £ 5,000. It was good, yes, but in my estimation Thor prevailed. An old whisky is not necessarily the best whisky, it’s just the most expensive.

The guide told us of a time a beer company in Norway sued Highland Park because they had a beer named Thor and they thought people might be confused. This is a stretch of a legal argument even for our litigious country. Since Highland Park is owned by the same company that owns Macallan and others, their lawyers are pretty heavy duty compared to those of the small Norse brewery. Everyone got together in a room and agreed to settle if Highland Park gave each of the lawyers on the other side, and the brewery owners, a few bottles of the very rare Thor. Case dismissed.

Everyone was presented with a framed certificate with their name on it at the end of the tasting. It will be displayed next to my law school diploma.

Highland Park Tasting Room

In my cab ride home, I asked the driver what he thought the weather was going to be the next day for our trip to Westray. He said, “I’ve lived in Orkney for forty years. When it rains, it’s raining. If the sun is out, it’s sunny.” Alrighty then.

Outlander and Whisky

I’m about 80% English/Scotch/Irish. If I were a paint color, I’d be Bland White. Long before I knew exactly how white (thank you Ancestry.com), I’ve been interested in British history. Used to be able to recite all the Kings and Queens of England. So Scotland was firmly on my travel list, but I admit it was the cinematography in Outlander, shot in Scotland, that put me over the edge. And maybe the kilts.

So what better way to spend my first full day in Scotland than booking an Outlander Tour like a geeky tourist? The tour included historic castles, forts and villages used as film locations for Outlander, Monty Python & the Holy Grail, and Game of Thrones. And then, as a topper, finishing the day with a whisky tasting at a bar named Edinburgh’s 2018 Whisky Bar of the Year.

I booked the journey through Rabbie’s, a company specializing in smaller tours using wee buses. I expected to be joined by a bunch of middle-aged women who talked about Jamie Fraser (a.k.a.the main character in the show who is widely believed to be the perfect man) the entire time. Instead, several couples, including one on their honeymoon, and one big family, the McGowans, all piled into the bus together. They were from Florida, Philly, South Carolina, France, England and Australia. I sat behind the guide and was joined by the head of the McGowan clan. The McGowan himself. Who was very quiet (his wife made up for it from the back of the bus) and went to great pains to avoid any physical contact, which I appreciated.

Of course, I instantly fell in love with our Scottish tour guide, Nicky. He just happened to be tall with reddish hair, very articulate, thoughtful and hilarious. Wearing a kilt that wasn’t a costume.

The first place we visited was Three Bridges, a town with, you guessed it, including a bridge that was built in the 17th Century. A marvel of engineering. The place has no connection with Outlander, just a cool spot.

Jamie Nicky took my photo in front of the old bridge.

Then we journeyed to the most “all the feels” of Outlander settings, Lallybroch, the Fraser ancestral home. Otherwise known as Midhope Castle, still standing but entirely in ruins on the inside. The steps up to the door were built by the film crew. A beautiful and evocative place marooned out of time on a working farm. Surprisingly, there is a picturesque cottage right next to the Midhope ruins. Not next door, but right there on the edge of the lawn. Architectural Digest – Medieval beautiful. The owners were the luckiest people alive to own this gorgeous cottage in such a setting. Ach, no more, thanks to the fickle finger of fate. Their idyllic spot has been besmirched by Outlander and the tourists who followed in its wake.

Speaking of tourists, it soon became apparent that there were different sorts of Outlander tours. As we were leaving “Lallybroch,” another, larger group came down the path toward us, led by a guy in an over-the-top Highlander costume. He held a plastic shield and brandished a fake broadsword. He was a scenery-chewing Pirates of the Caribbean Johnny Depp version of an 18th century Jacobite. Johnny Depp Jamie had obviously dispensed plastic weaponry to everyone on his tour for them to, I guess, ineffectually arm themselves as they visited ruins. Two adorable little old ladies walked side by side, one brandishing two plastic axes, the other holding two pistols. I would have died had I booked this tour. Johnny Depp Jamie immediately challenged Jamie Nicky with his sword. Jamie Nicky, sensing danger, extended an arm in front of me to protect my life and virtue. I grabbed his arm with both hands and crouched down, because I’m not about to be left behind in a sudden acting opportunity. His arm was strong and thick and suddenly I had a new appreciation for the antics of Johnny Depp Jamie.

Our next stop was Blackness castle, a 15th century fort built on the south shore of the Firth of Forth. It protected Linlithgow, one of the main palaces of Scottish Royalty, especially the Stuarts. Because of its site, jutting into the Forth, and its long narrow shape, it has been dubbed the “ship that never sailed.” It was used to portray Ft. William in the series, including the scenes of Jamie being flogged nearly to death by Jack Randall (I know people who haven’t seen the show are wondering why on earth), and later the daring rescue of Claire by Jamie, Murtagh, Angus and Rupert with Jamie scaling the tower clutching an empty pistol. Speaking of which, I came upon Johnny Depp Jamie again just as he was reenacting the scene of Jamie clubbing a redcoat over the head after asking where Claire was being held. JDJ brushed people out of the way so he could rush up some steps in search of Claire.

All swashbuckling aside, Blackness Castle is a gorgeous structure in a beautiful setting with a nicely preserved Great Hall.

Next stop was the 100% charming town of Culross, where the scenes in Cranesmuir, the village near Castle Leoch, were filmed, including Geilis Duncan’s house, Claire’s herb garden, and the scene where the wee boy got his ear nailed to the pillory for stealing. The town has barely changed since the 17th century and is managed by the National Trust. I had the second best sandwich I’ve ever had there, in a charming little place called the Biscuit Cafe. I mistakenly took a table next to the loo. We all know this, but people truly have issues about bathrooms. One lady in her sixties ducked in and her friend had to stand in front of the door like in high school, holding it slightly ajar, explaining to the gentleman who was next in line, “She’s afraid of getting shut in.” Aren’t we all.

Next was the granddaddy of all film locations – Doune Castle, a medieval stronghold in the Stirling district of central Scotland. The most famous taunting scene in cinema was filmed here.

Starring our beloved John Cleese as the pitch-perfect French taunter, with many memorable lines, including that old chestnut, “Your mother was a hamster and your father smelt of elderberries!” Apparently the Pythons had booked several castles in Scotland for filming until someone wondered who they were and whether they could even pay, withdrawing permission from all except Doune. So basically the entire film was shot here.

Also the most famous scene ever filmed depicting a guy shoving a boy out of a window because the boy caught him having sex with his sister. I know this scene is basically in every film, but this is truly the best version. Unfortunately, in Game of Thrones, the boy did not die and instead became the Three-Eyed Raven, which, we don’t know, but may result in the ultimate downfall of said guy in the long slow dance of karma.

In season 1 of Game of Thrones, Doune Castle was Winterfell. In season 2 they moved production to Ireland because it was cheaper.

Doune bounced right back, and became the home of the McKenzie clan in Outlander, Castle Leoch. It’s now the third most visited castle in Scotland, after Edinburgh Castle and Stirling Castle. The audio tour is narrated by Python’s Terry Jones, and by, of course, Sam Heughan, who plays Jamie. Inside the house is a fabulous Great Hall and a wonderfully preserved kitchen, including a giant fireplace large enough to roast an oxen. Many silly Python scenes were filmed inside, including the song-and-dance number “Knights of the Round Table,”and the Sir Galahad the Chaste’s seduction scene. I completely recognized them all.

The last stop on our tour was Linlithgow Palace, where Mary Queen of Scots was born and lived for seven months, after which she was whisked away to Stirling, a more secure location. She was in danger the moment she was born, and for most of her life. It was another 20 years before she returned. A lot of Stuart history here. There’s a beautiful and drafty portico on the roof where legend has it Queen Margaret waited in vain for the return of James IV from Flodden Field. Bonnie Prince Charlie was the last Stuart to stay at Linlithgow. In 1746 the castle burned because the British duke of Cumberland’s troops failed to properly extinguish their campfires.

Gorgeous spot (Scots had great taste in castle sites), with a statue of Mary Queen of Scots on the grounds. In the UK you are allowed to scramble all over ruins, climbing up tiny staircases with flimsy railings that wouldn’t be allowed in the US. No posted warning signs, nothing roped off, I guess because you’re supposed to use common sense. The higher you go, the more pigeon poo there is, since all is exposed to the skies. Many ruined castles around Scotland don’t have roofs, not even if they’ve undergone restoration. Why? Because buildings with roofs are taxed.

In Outlander, the tunnels and cells underground were used for Wentworth Prison, where extremely terrifying things happened to Jamie.

It was a fabulous tour, largely because of the fabulous Nicky. He told us the entire history of the Jacobite rebellions. There were five between 1688 and 1745, all with the goal of returning one of the Jameses to the throne of Scotland and England and all failures, finally resulting in the Highland clearances. Nicky told the story with passion and emotion. History is still very much alive for Scots. As Robert Louis Stevenson wrote, “For that is the mark of the Scots of all classes: that he stands in an attitude towards the past unthinkable to Englishmen, and remembers and cherishes the memory of his forebears, good and bad; and there burns alive in him a sense of identity with the dead even to the twentieth generation.” Nicky also reflected on the current political situation in the UK and elsewhere (ahem), resolving to focus his efforts on things he could positively impact, like, for example, people’s lives. He also taught me a new word, “scuppered,” which originally meant to deliberately sink a ship, and has come to mean thwart. So many uses. Anyway, I adored him.

How to end such a day? By booking a very expensive whisky tasting at Usquabae, meaning water of life (Gaelic translation of Medieval Latin aqua vitae.) Sitting at the bar, I was regaled with tales of whisky and its historic impact on the Scottish economy and history. A couple of local boys chimed in, asking questions and giving their own opinions. It’s a very complex subject near and dear to the heart of Scots. I chose a tasting called “The Decades.” It included a whisky from the 60’s, 70’s, 80’s, and 90’s, which covers my entire life. The older whiskies were good, but as the bartender noted (he had tastes of all my drams to keep me company), they do get a bit “vegetal.”

One last observation about Scottish men. They look you right in the eye, steadily, when you’re talking to them. They don’t hang back, either, they are snuggled right into your personal American space. I love it.